Change happens when we make ourselves heard!

A colleague posted this really interesting article by HR NEWS. This is something we at MRT Consultants are equally passionate about and feel very encouraged to know that HR and those in senior positions are joining the call for mental health to be part of corporate policy and training in companies.

It does not have to be a big company at all, it applies and helps any sized organisation where people work and care.

Bosses urged to sent staff on ‘Mental Health first aid’ courses

A lawyer specialising in employment law has called on bosses to send staff on “mental health first aid courses” to help support colleagues in the workplace. 

Gillian McAteer, head of employment law and HR at Citation, offers around the clock support to companies looking to improve their work practices.

And now, Gillian is calling on bosses to improve mental health support in the workplace – by sending staff on first aid courses specialising in non-judgmental listening and spotting triggers of mental health problems.

Gillian said: “Mental health is one of the biggest issues facing the UK workforce today. Workplace stress coupled with the struggles of everyday life means around 59% of workers now suffer from a mental health condition, yet bosses often fail to recognise when employees are struggling.

“Mental health is a broad church and can range from depression, to borderline personality disorders, and eating problems, to loneliness, anxiety, paranoia, and stress. 

“Our Citation research shows the majority of the UK workforce is now living with a mental health condition of some sort, and bosses have a legal obligation to support and protect employees experiencing mental health problems.

“One thing we have done at Citation is recruit Mental Health First Aiders amongst the workforce. It’s the same, in theory, as a traditional First Aider, but the focus is on topics surrounding mental health.

“Whether someone is feeling stressed, anxious, or is struggling with a more chronic mental health issue, our Mental Health First Aiders are here to spot the signs and reach out to provide support and assistance, whether it’s offering a shoulder to cry on or guiding people to further support through the NHS or charities.”

Research from the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) shows a staggering 11 million days are lost at work every year because of workplace stress. By placing mental wellbeing at the top of the list of priorities, Gillian believes companies will ultimately benefit from having well-rested employees who feel listened to and valued by their bosses.

Gillian said: “It is imperative that we remove the stigma attached to mental health. Our research shows around 40% of people with a mental health condition do not feel comfortable talking to their manager about it. This needs to change.

“Speaking openly about mental health can be a lifeline, that’s why we’re keen to see workplaces across the country sending staff on courses that will help them spot the signs when their colleagues are struggling.

it was great to get this feedback from our Mental Health Champion Delivery last week:

‘A really useful and inspiring course that EVERYONE should go on! The instructors were both very warm, welcoming and open. I learnt loads of valuable tools and techniques, which I can now put in place both at home and at work. Thank you all.’ (Champion course, Ewell Castle School, November 2021)

Times are changing. Great to have people climbing aboard. If you’re thinking about training get in touch for information and support: ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk

How Can Social Media Impact Your Mental Health? By Chloe Davis from Papernest.com

Social media has become a part of our daily life, a business and a job for some, or a way of communication for others. It can be a great way to keep in touch with friends and family, stay up to date with the latest trends around the world, and a place to share your thoughts and interests with others. However, it has also become a toxic and harmful place for many of its users. Many studies have shown that using social platforms causes negative effects on mental health and the quality of life of many people.


For the past three years, Facebook has been conducting studies into how Instagram affects its millions of young users. The company’s researchers have found that Instagram is harmful for a sizable percentage of them, and especially for teenage girls.


What does Facebook know about Instagram users?

According to Facebook’s research <https://about.instagram.com/blog/announcements/using-research-to-improve-your-experience> , more than 40% of Instagram users are 22 years old or younger, with around 22 million logging on each day in the United States, compared to five million teens logging on Facebook, where young users have been declining..

In 2019 and 2020, Facebook conducted focus groups, internet polls, and diary studies. The research also includes tens of thousands of individuals participating in large-scale surveys in 2021, which linked user responses with Facebook's own data on how much time users spent on Instagram and what type of content they saw there. The findings showed that Instagram is the most harmful social platform.

Teenage girls are affected the most by the negative side of social media. 32% of teenage girls surveyed said when they felt bad about their bodies, Instagram made them feel worse. “Social comparison is worse on Instagram,” states Facebook’s.


The tendency to share only the best and happy moments, the pressure to look perfect, and an addictive product can lead teens to eating disorders, an unhealthy and negative view about their own bodies, and depression, according to an internal study from March 2020. The Explore section, which provides users with algorithmically selected photos and videos, can lead users to get into potentially harmful content.


Facebook has tried to defend Instagram and its negative effects, and has not made its research public or available to academics or lawmakers who have asked for it. “The research that we’ve seen is that using social apps to connect with other people can have positive mental-health benefits,” Mark Zuckerberg said.

What negative effects can social media have on your health?

Many social media users experience negative effects of the daily use of social media. Social platforms undoubtedly have the potential to damage mental wellbeing through promoting unreasonable expectations. The extensive use and addictive nature of social media can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety and lack of healthy sleep.

Anxiety & Depression

Social media can cause anxiety to its users by creating the popular concept of FOMO. The Fear of Missing Out refers to “a general fear that others may have rewarding experiences that one is absent from” and is “characterized by a desire to be constantly connected to what others are doing''. FOMO has been associated with heavy use of social media and with negative mood and lack of life satisfaction. We have become more aware of what we are missing, by looking at photos of other people having a good time, traveling or buying new things. These social platforms can create feelings of depression and loneliness by highlighting what others have.


Self-esteem

Social media has been linked to low self-esteem and self-image due to the emergence of image manipulation. The amount of fake, photoshopped and unrealistic bodies online has affected the self-esteem of young women. The daily circulation of fake and unrealistic images creates wrong expectations about the appearance people should have. The Royal Society for Public Health found that 9 out of 10 young women said they were dissatisfied with their appearance.



Sleep

University of Pittsburgh has conducted a research <http://www.primack.net/professional/articles/r079pm2016.pdf> with 1,700 participants, between 18 to 30 years, about their social media and sleeping habits. They found a link between social media usage and lack of quality sleep, and concluded that the blue light from screens played a big part of the disrupted sleeping cycles. How often they went on social media, rather than time they spent, was a higher predictor of disturbed sleep, suggesting “an obsessive ‘checking’”, the researchers found.

It is clear that browsing on your phone right before sleep is causing negative effects on your sleep, however, the impacts of blue light exposure may be worse for those who wake up to check their phone during night, after falling asleep. Approximately 21% of adults say that they wake up to check their phone during the night, which disturbs their sleeping cycle and makes falling asleep again harder.


What can you do to mitigate these negative effects?

Using your phone or engaging on social media does not always have to be negative. If you want to prevent any unhealthy side effects, you should be mindful of the way you spend your time online. Reducing the use of your mobile <https://www.broadband-plans.co.uk/mobile/> phone before going to bed can greatly improve your quality of sleep and therefore other aspects in life, such as your level of productivity, your energy during the day and the overall health of your brain and body. It is recommended to not use your phone or laptop for one or two hours before going to bed.

Another important way of making social media a positive space is to be mindful of the content you are consuming and the accounts you are following. Social media can be a place where you get inspired and motivated by others, stay connected with your friends and family and up to date with any interest of yours. Therefore, doing a big clean up of any accounts or people that do not bring any positive value to you is a great practice to stay away from negativity. You are in full control of your social media feed and it is okay to click the “unfollow” button.

Chloe Davies

Intuition and instinct- do we use them and do we trust them?

One of the things we love to talk to parents about is intuition and instinct and how important it is to teach our children what it is and how to listen to it. To understand and be able to use it can literally save someone from harm in many situations in life.

Being intuitive means that you more often know or sense without consciously understanding why you know it. Instinct is a physical reaction to a trigger of some kind. Studies show intuition generally leads us to make better choices and that many succeed by trusting their intuition, both professionally and privately.

My daughter listened to her feelings when she was about 7 years old. Many years ago, we were out shopping for furniture and had finally found what we wanted. I then went back to the car with my 2 girls whilst my husband paid and arranged delivery. When we got to the car, my oldest daughter needed the toilet and we were parked right in front of a restaurant. My youngest decided she didn’t want to come so I gave her my mobile phone and said ‘Dad will be here in a minute and do not open the door to anyone!’

As it turned out, someone had been watching us and as soon as I went into the restaurant, two men approach the car and knocked on the window. They told her that ‘mum wants you in the restaurant so open the door and go to her’. My daughter shook her head no and didn’t open the door. They then said, ‘look, your mum is on the phone so open up and hear for yourself’ Luckily, she had the sense that this was wrong and told them ‘No, go away, I have mum’s phone here so she can’t be calling you anyway.’ At this stage, time was passing and they gave up and left. I got out a few minutes later and found her shaking and in tears. After telling me what had happened she added ‘I felt something was wrong so I didn’t open…’ Thank goodness for that!

To me, this proved that teaching her about intuition and instinct and reminding her of what to do made all the difference that day. We were told by the police that they probably wanted our car but I am glad we never found out what they wanted…

Intuition is there to protect us and as adults I think we override this too many times. It’s easier to go with whatever might be going on.

Be aware and listen. Think again and then make a decision.

Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. ― Steve Jobs

Hybrid workplace- who is responsible for what?

So, we are almost back to ‘normal’. What will this mean to us? Are we ready to go back to normal or whatever it will be?

There has been a lot in the news about anxiety and shielding. Some people are scared to go into work and don’t know what to do. Whose responsibility is it to ensure people are looked after and feel safe to go back into their workplace?

There are many arguments around this including those from the government and employers. What about the people themselves? What do they need in order to get feel able to return to the workplace? What are their responsibilities?

As many employers are struggling to keep their businesses going, what expectations do employees have? Should the company allow staff to work from home if this is an option? For how long? How does it affect the bottom line?

There is no easy answer to these questions. It seems like many companies are asking their staff for their thoughts and feelings around all of this. Wherever it’s possible, staff will continue to work from home but then again, there are many who prefer to go to the office or workplace. Many miss contact with their colleagues and meeting up after work.

We must bear in mind the different aspects of employees and their needs. Many are younger and live in shared accommodation and don’t have the space to work comfortably from home. Parents find it hard to work because young children are around and the disruption is too much. Others might just need to get away as there are other factors (like violence) at home.

Whatever the reasons are, they are all valid and must be heard and respected. However, if it comes down to staying afloat and not losing the company, we must be supportive. A lot of businesses have not survived this pandemic and many people have lost their jobs and their lives.

Like so many times, communication is the key to working out these situations. It has to start at the top and trickle down to every person. When a message is clear and backed up, change is easier to accept.

Our webinar ‘Back to the workplace - let’s talk about it’ touches on these matters. It applies to staff as well as managers and provides tips and tools surrounding going back to work.

If you have any questions, please let us know. Happy to chat!

Mental Health First Aid - what is it and why train?

As we open up the discussions around mental health, more and more people are being trained to become Mental Health First Aiders. It is more important than ever for employers to support their staff and providing this training is a great way of showing it.

What is a Mental Health First Aider?

It all started on a dog walk in Australia in 2000 when a nurse, teacher and counsellor called Betty Kitchener and her husband Tony Jorm (Professor at the University of Melbourne in mental disorders) came up with the idea together. They wanted to complement the physical first aid model and allow people to gain skills and knowledge to assist with mental health first aid to drive support into the community.

In 2007 MHFA launched in the UK through the Department of Health as part of a national approach to improve public mental health. There are now approximately 10 000 new first aiders trained each month in the UK and over 3 million trained in over 25 countries worldwide.

Why Train?

It gives you understanding, skills and a tool kit to be able to approach and listen to someone who is experiencing mental health concerns, understand how to give support and signpost them to both professional and personal help.

It’s a full 2 days of training that provides you with a wealth of knowledge, materials and resources to support yourself, those you love and others in the wider community or in your place of work.

Mental Health starts with you!

It’s never too late to learn, grow and gain new skills.

If you would like to find out how to train people in your organisation or community please get in touch: jenni@mrtconsultants.co.uk

Connections and friends.

I have just got back from Sweden where I have had, for the first time in years, 3 weeks of family and friends time. It’s been so good for both body and soul to be away and reconnect.

I have lived abroad since 1984 when I left Sweden as an 18-year-old. I took the train to Zurich - over 24 hours of travel… When I arrived there, my au pair ‘mum’ met me at the station and we took the tram to the flat where I lived for a year. I didn’t know anyone at all and at first, it was tough. I also thought I could speak German reasonably well. Little did I know that the dialect in Zurich was a totally different language. I eventually learnt that as well so I actually gained 2 languages!

Being away from family and friends forces you to reach out to other people and throughout the years I have made many new friends. It takes time to connect and feel close to someone and sometimes it turns out that a person is not right after all. To feel connected and know that a friend truly is a friend feels good. I could not have stayed away from my Swedish home without the friends I have made.

I do have my own family here who I love immensely and for which I am so grateful, however, life would not be complete without friends.

So how do we make friends? Why do some people have lots, some none and some a few?

It is said that we only have a handful of people in our lives that we are truly close to. Who accept us for who we are, both good and bad. If you are lucky enough to have that, make sure you cherish them and show them that you care and need them in your life.

We can take many things in life for granted and not show enough that someone is important.

I just received a bouquet of flowers unexpectedly from a dear friend who just wanted to show she was thinking of me. I said goodbye to another dear friend last week so receiving this today lifted my spirits and I feel grateful and sad at the same time.

What are your needs? Who have you got in your life that you appreciate but don’t show it very often? Are you perhaps lonely without friends to turn to?

One thing I know is that in order to meet and make friends, I had to make an effort. Reach out, talk to people and not give up. Sometimes it took time and I despaired but it paid off.

Joining clubs, activities, churches and interacting with neighbours are all good ways to meet people.

Connection and belonging is even more important after the pandemic so look around, reach out and be that friend you need to someone else.

So much more than a game of football

So, the Euros are over and England lost in the final against the worthy Italy.

This tournament has been so exciting and it’s been a joy to see these young men enjoy their game. Their camaraderie and support of each other has showed us they are a team both off and on the pitch. What great role models they are for the next generation of sportsmen and women. I love to see the awe with which so many kids are watching their idols and the idols in turn pay attention to the young fans, acknowledging them.

Just look at the pure joy of the little football player, Belle, when Mason Mount gave her his shirt. Life changing for her and such a lovely, heartwarming gesture from Mason.

Gareth Southgate has been so much more than a coach and manager for these men. He has instilled values and faith in their abilities to be both great players and human beings. How you treat each other makes a big difference to how you feel about yourself at night, away from the limelight.

The fact that many of these players have had challenging childhoods has added to their sense of drive and focus. However, how they handle it and where it takes them once they are successful depends on who is there to support them. Many don’t have family that are able to give the right kind of emotional support so the role of a manager and coach is so much more than coaching just the actual game.

The ability to lose is also important. How they cope with this will show in the weeks to come. As always, there are vile people who say horrible things. Who attack the colour of their skin and try to divide people and encourage racism. This has no place anywhere in our society and it needs to be highlighted and stopped.

The loss of a game, be it Euros, world cup or lower division, does not matter. It is never acceptable to take it out in a vile, abusive or violent way.

This is about the feelings of loss. How can these guys (mainly men…) express their disappointment and sadness in a more effective way? What makes them become so angry that they can’t or won’t control their actions?

There will be many reasons behind this behaviour and it is rarely to do with football. That is just the tipping point at that moment and a reason to let out any pent up anger from other areas of their lives.

This is a whole different topic and one to write about another day.

In the meantime, thank you to our England team for being great sportsmen, role models and inspirational human beings!

Kindness, inclusivity, compassion and being people who matter goes so much further than ‘only’ winning a football game.

What makes a person resilient?

Talk about a year of uncertainty… Thank goodness I didn’t know what was ahead! Not sure how I would have dealt with that. From one point of view, I guess I could have planned accordingly (albeit limited) as even that would have been uncertain. On the other hand, as we were given updates and changes as and when, I started to accept that it is what it is. Life goes on anyway.

Isn’t that what life is about though? We can never plan things and know for certain they will happen because life can get in the way. I know this has happened a lot in my life and somehow, we get through it and life goes on. It might have changed direction and had a big impact on us but yet, we continue.

I now know that this is what resilience is all about. Somehow, without knowing and understanding the concept, this is what I have learned through experience.

So what makes one person resilient and another break down?

An individual’s resilience is dictated by a combination of genetics, personal history, environment and situational context. Research has found the genetic part to be relatively small.

The most significant determinant of resilience — noted in nearly every review or study of resilience in the last 50 years — is the quality of our close personal relationships, especially with parents and primary caregivers. Early attachments to parents play a crucial, lifelong role in human adaptation.

“How loved you felt as a child is a great predictor of how you manage all kinds of difficult situations later in life,” said Bessel van der Kolk, a professor of psychiatry at Boston University School of Medicine who has been researching post-traumatic stress since the 1970s. He is the founder of the Trauma Research Foundation in Boston.

Dr. van der Kolk said long-term studies showed that the first 20 years of life were especially critical. “Different traumas at different ages have their own impacts on our perceptions, interpretations and expectations; these early experiences sculpt the brain, because it is a use-dependent organ,” he said.

We can think of resilience as a set of skills that can be, and often are, learned. Part of the skill-building comes from exposure to very difficult — but manageable — experiences, like the ones my husband and I have gone through.

“Stress isn’t all bad,” said Steven M. Southwick, professor emeritus of psychiatry, PTSD and Resilience at Yale University School of Medicine and co-author of the book “Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges.” If you can cope today with all that’s happening in the world around you, Dr. Southwick said, “then when you are on the other side of it, you’ll be stronger.”

Tools common to resilient people are optimism (that is also realistic), a moral compass, religious or spiritual beliefs, cognitive and emotional flexibility, and social connectedness. The most resilient among us are people who generally don’t dwell on the negative, who look for opportunities that might exist even in the darkest times. During a quarantine, for example, a resilient person might decide it is a good time to start a meditation practice, take an online course or learn to play guitar.

So, what have you learnt in the last 18 months? Have you found new coping skills? Have you become closer or more distant to the ones you love? Have your priorities in life changed?

Connection and belonging are a big part of resilience so ensure you reach out to your loved ones.

We all need it.

The summer is here. Are you excited?

Finally, the sun has come out and with it, lots more people out and about.

How’s it feeling? Are you enjoying it? Feeling anxious? A bit of both?

We have been cocooned for quite some time and getting back out again can be triggering for many. We have all had different experiences in the past year and many might not be comfortable talking about it. Some will have lost a loved one, struggled with mental ill health and others will have enjoyed the WFH and family time.

Empathy and understanding is needed from and for all of us one way or the other.

Practically this means giving others space when you meet up again.

• Ask if a hug is OK and that it’s absolutely fine to say no. Do not take it personally! It’s not about you, it’s about that person’s fear and anxiety.

• Clarify when arranging a get-together what expectations are, sitting outside or inside? Windows and doors open or OK to be closed?

• Kids, no kids? Some people might feel vulnerable around children as they are around so many possible carriers at school.

There is a lot to think and be considerate about. As much as many are comfortable and have had enough, it might surprise many to find some friends are still anxious.

Communication can not be talked about enough. Both at home and at work. Mental health is very much about the ability to communicate so let’s do just that. Talk and listen. Focus your attention on listening without assumptions, personal agendas, multitasking and watch your connections deepen. Connection is what makes the biggest difference to a person’s wellbeing. Without connection, most of us would be lost.

Being Emotionally Intelligent (EQ) is a great step to take. There is lots to read online so take the time to become informed.

Enjoy the sun, connection with others and slowly getting back to whatever our new normal will be!

Daring to talk about mental health

How do we dare to be open and accepting of others and our own mental health issues? What does it take to feel comfortable with someone at work?

The fear of being judged is very real. The ‘what if’ can often show itself. Am I being looked at differently or treated differently? Do they trust me to do my job properly? Do they think I will be signed off work often?

This is all part of the change with work and company culture within an organisation. When acceptance starts at the top, the likelihood of acceptance further down is more likely.

So, how can this be done? What does your workplace do at the moment?

According to Mind, if you do decide to tell your employer about your mental health situation, think about:

• How and when to do it. It can be helpful to have a note from your doctor to help explain your situation.

• How much information you want to give. You don’t have to go into personal details, just focus on how your mental health problem impacts on your job.

• Whom to share it with. For example, the human resources (HR) department may know your diagnosis, but they don't have to tell your supervisor or colleagues.

There are many people working towards enabling disclosure and openness with mental health in the same way we talk about other illnesses or disabilities.

How good it would be to have an open discussion about all disabilities or setbacks and have understanding and empathy as the norm.

Particularly now as we are about to go back into the workplaces after our Covid year, it is even more relevant and important to enable people to talk. Empower people to open up without shame and vulnerability. Research has shown that more people than ever are suffering with anxiety and depression so it is up to the employers to create a welcoming and empathic workplace to return to.

This is what MRT Consultants strives towards. We help companies support their staff to enable an open work culture for acceptance of differences and disabilities.

Get in touch to find out more about how we can support your workplace and employees.

The new way of working

Who would have ever thought that more than a year would pass with Covid still here and our lives on hold in many ways? I am grateful I didn’t know, as taking one day at a time has suited me better than trying to plan ahead too much. Of course, there have been plans that were cancelled but generally, it has been a very low key existence. The same thing most days; wake up, walk, shower, breakfast and work. Kind of like Groundhog day most days.

It has its good and bad parts living like this. Good: I know where I am working from every day, no trains to miss or traffic to get stuck in on our way to deliver workshops or to meetings. I get to eat well, served most days by my husband who loves cooking (I know, lucky woman…). Bad: I don’t get to work with my colleagues which I enjoy, the wi-fi is not always my friend and I miss face-to-face interaction.

So, how will this change in the next months? How many of you will go back into the office? What choices have you got? How does it feel?

Research has shown that anxiety is up amongst employees more than ever. The fear of getting ill, being judged, stigmatised and not feeling able to voice these fears is real. Commuting might be difficult for some as well as being uncomfortable back in a room with many people.

There are points to consider to enable staff to return as soon and safely as possible:

• Everyone’s unique - we have all had different experiences in the last year and the expectations and coping abilities will vary. Ensuring that staff are dealt with individually as much as possible will make them feel seen, heard and valued.

• Workplace culture - making sure that policies are in place to ensure diversity, inclusivity and safety. Everyone has to feel safe from discrimination, harassment and bullying in the workplace. This has been highlighted during the pandemic even more, many employees feeling safer working from home than the office, and it’s now up to the leaders to show the way and lead from the top.

• Communication - as always, the priority for everyone. It goes both ways, the company communicating and including all employees and employees feeling able to communicate with their employers. Surveys, face-to-face meetings and general discussions need to put in place to work out which is the best way forward. What has changed for the individuals? What has changed for the company? How can they meet and find a solution that works for all?

It seems a hybrid of options is the way forward. Flexibility is key from both sides. Open minds to change and knowing we all want to make it work is a good start.

Change is good for most of us and this is our chance to embrace this and learn from it. ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’. (A good read by Susan Jeffers.)

Take care of each other and be kind.

Finally waking up?

The last few weeks have been a stark reminder to women’s vulnerability to violence. With Sarah Everards disappearance and murder, a lot of emotions have been voiced and shown all over the media. So many women sharing their stories and fears.

This has affected me too and the more I think about it, the more I remember incidents that have happened to me since my teens. At the time they were upsetting and a couple of times police were involved due to the seriousness of it. However, most have just been just that, incidents, that I accepted as part of life’s experiences.

As a mother of 2, now adult women, I notice a difference in their response to their incidents of which there have been many. They do not accept things in the way that I did. They discuss it with friends and voice their feelings to who ever will listen. The injustice and outrage is loud and clear.

Has it helped and stopped more abuse? Do their voices make a difference?

I hope so. This has to stop and it has to start at home. Parents and schools need to teach both boys and girls about boundaries, respect and consent. What sex is about and what is real, which is not porn. This seems to be the main way a lot of young boys learn about sex and then think it’s OK to treat girls the same way.

I have listened and read what a young woman, Soma Sara, has been voicing on Instagram and a website, https://www.everyonesinvited.uk/

On there, young women have written testimonials of their experiences at various schools and other places. Sexual abuse, shaming, demeaning and belittling behaviour that no girl should ever have to endure.

What will it take for us as a society to wake up and really face this, very real, problem? Because it doesn’t stop after school is done, this continues into the pubs, bars and offices.

Leaders need to call it out whenever micro aggressions like insults, snubs, derogatory comments and other things like interrupting a woman in a meeting happens. Did you know that 80% of interruptions in a meeting are done by a man to a woman? Speak up in her defence and notice what is going on.

Men and boys need to challenge their ‘mates’ behaviour and not join in the silence when they see behaviours from family or friends that is inappropriate or makes women feel uncomfortable. They have to take a stand and speak out and not allow this behaviour to go unnoticed or unchecked. Model the right behaviour dads - to your sons and for your daughters. And mothers - speak out and stand up for your daughters and teach your sons to respect women.

Change is needed and we can all make a difference.

Eating Disorders Awareness Week

How up to date are you with information on eating disorders? Do you know what they’re all about and how to spot the signs or support someone in your life who may be experiencing this?

This week we’re advocating awareness of eating disorders which are serious, medically dangerous conditions.

Does your child have an eating disorder? To the world, do you seem like the perfect family with a great life? Did you think, ‘it’ll never happen to us’? And what happens when it does? Do you go into overdrive, extreme emotions. Frightened, scared?

Diving into information and knowledge is a starting point to try to wade through the different emotions that you are bound to experience. It’s a form of loss of the life that you thought you had. It’s ‘normal’ to resent the person who has brought these changes into your house and to feel the ripples of emotions throughout the day. As a parent, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t feel you have all the skills and know how to cope with the situation. Whatever you do - it’s enough. Don’t focus on what you’re not doing, do what you can and be present and committed to support your child - as long as you don’t give up on your child and embrace the person that evolves from the eating disorder and acknowledge and reward their progress and journey - then you’re doing a great job as a parent!

Sometimes the person who is experiencing the eating disorder doesn’t even understand the exact reasons for their feelings or behaviours - so how can you be expected to. Don’t play the blame game - it’s no-ones fault - there are lots of reasons why some people are susceptible to mental health illness and others not. Just don’t give up and know you can get through it and come out stronger and healthier together.

Knowledge is power - so find out as much as you can. Get in touch with charities that are there to support you like BEAT: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/supporting-someone

Some tips from a mother who has supported her child through this:

• Avoid personal criticism

• Acknowledge small steps forward

  • Make goals/movement forward achievable and continuous

• Refrain from reinforcing disordered eating / negative language around food

  • Model the right behaviour - what are you doing/saying and how is this impacting on your child? This includes food, exercise and social media input.

• Reinforce healthy eating habits (model them yourself eg: breakfast, lunch and dinner)

• Be as kind as possible and allow your child their own space and control

• Show empathy to your child and give them positive lifts during the day. Work together and let them know that you are part of team or in partnership. Make sure you know you have their back!

• Find the humour and the joy in life and even get to the stage where you can find the humour in the behaviours together. Laugh together…(not at the child!)

• Keep your family routine normal

• Keep communication open and positive. Be transparent and include the whole family in the recovery process. Keep judgement out of conversations - and this includes your opinion!

• Remember the other children in your family - don’t let them feel that they are not getting of your time and attention or are not as important as the child with the eating disorder.

• Do whatever you can to promote self-esteem. Let them know that there is space for everyone in the world and that a lot of what they see on social media isn’t ‘real’.

• Be positive and filled with hope for them that they will recover

If you want more information or are interested in doing a mental health first aid training course to learn more - do get in touch: ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk www.mrtconsultants.co.uk

Almost over...

So, we now have dates to look forward to. Whether we agree with them or not, at least we know what to expect. Not sure I can cope with another 7 weeks of my wild hair or my husband’s hair for that matter. I am a woman who can not cut hair at all… Anyway, things could be worse so I am not really complaining.

I have found the lack of interaction and seeing family and friends the hardest part of this. My one daughter is in north London so that’s been a no go and the other is in Berlin. Even harder to see her.

Lack of connection and certainty are the 2 human needs that have affected the majority of people the most. Loneliness and isolation is devastating at any time but this past year has increased this immensely.

There is far too much negativity around us and I find it hard to watch the news in the evening so I don’t anymore. That is my way of protecting myself before going to bed. By controlling the controllable, we can help ourselves to feel better and find solutions and positivity rather than focussing on the things we can’t do anything about. I think many of us have found ways to keep our spirits up and what works for us and our families. We are all different so what works for me, might not work for you.

However, when we talk about the silver linings in situations there have been some even through this pandemic. For many, the new connection with neighbours has been an immense help and also lovely to make new friends, being able to help others in one way or another has also added to the feel good factors. For some families and couples spending this much time together has enabled them to really get to know each other and enjoy each others’ company. For some school kids, the appreciation of school and their friends will increase and hopefully remain for some time.

What has been the silver lining for you? What have you learnt about yourself? Your friends and family? What would you do differently, if anything?

I hope most of us have grown as people and learnt to appreciate things we took for granted before. I know I have. It’s been tough but we are almost there. I, for one, can’t wait to see family and friends again! I miss them, and my hairdresser…

Take care of each other!

Watch out for our young people!

This pandemic has affected all of us in one way or the other. Some are worse off, some are coping well. There are different reactions and coping behaviours all around.

As an adult, having lived for 50+ years, I feel fairly able to cope and have found what works for me as far as coping strategies go. Thank goodness for exercise! Without my daily walks and cycling, it would have been a very different scenario.

What about the young people? The 16-25 year olds? How are they coping? What are their views throughout this period? There are so many people to be concerned about and this group is one of them.

They need to feel included, understood and seen. The mental health risks to this age group are also great as they are under different kinds of pressure socially and showing vulnerability to others is a big challenge.

According to research done for the Prince’s Trust Tesco Youth Index, this group feels more anxious and unable to cope than ever.

The Prince’s Trust found that among 16- to 25-year-olds ...

68% feel they are 'missing out on being young'

66% say current and upcoming political events have made them feel anxious about their future

62% believe they’ve 'lost a year' of their lives

58% say constant news about the pandemic makes them feel anxious

54% say political and economic events of 2020 have made their mental health worse

46% of Neets* are dreading the year ahead

38% are dreading the year ahead

Guardian graphic. Source: 2021 Prince’s Trust Tesco Youth Index. *not in work, education or training

Half of the young people interviewed by YouGov for the trust’s 2020 Youth Index, carried out in partnership with Tesco, said current political and economic events had affected their mental health. More than half said they always or often felt anxious, rising to 64% among those not in work, education or training (Neet).

So what can be done for this vulnerable group? How can we help the ones we are close to? What can companies do?

“At this critical time we need businesses, government and individuals to work with us to help as many vulnerable young people as possible,” Jonathan Townsend, the trust’s UK chief executive. “It is only by working together that we can stop this generation of young people giving up on their futures – and themselves.”

So over to you lovely people out there, can you reach out and offer help? Is there space for a young person to join your workforce in one way or another? Even something small can really help a young person to feel valued and that they have a contribution to make.

The Pandemic - how has it affected you?

So, here we are, lockdown 3.0. Who would have ever imagined us here a year ago?

This will be a time to talk about in years to come for sure. As with most things, there will be good and bad parts.

For me, it has changed our company and the way we work. After only delivering workshops and seminars in real life, suddenly we are delivering all over the world! This situation forced us to think outside of the box and it has paid off. We miss real life interaction as human connection is what we are about. However, in a funny way, this pandemic has enabled us to reach more people which is a good thing.

On a personal level I am grateful to have my family, friends and home. Living in a small town has also been good as it enables more connections and meeting people out and about. I have upped my exercise in this past year by power walking, cycling and doing pilates at least 5 times a week. I used to go to a club before but felt limited as the classes would get full and I couldn't always do the classes I wanted. Now I go to my computer, log in and do it when it suits me. I also have quality time with various friends where we walk and talk non stop for our 10km walks. My husband always asks what on earth do we talk about…he’s better off not knowing! He has been an incredible person to be locked down with as he loves cooking and I get 2 meals a day served. Now that is a big positive in my world!

I have noticed that we tend to find it easier to talk about the negatives so I would love to hear the positives from people. There will be something that you have discovered along the way.

I have a need to hold on to the positive thoughts as there are just too many negatives around and it makes me feel low. Something that helps me is not watching the news in the evenings, writing in my journal and reading good books.

What has been a positive for you? Work wise or privately? What have you learnt? How do you help yourself to be the best you can be?

It’s ok to feel low at times, to always be positive is not possible. It’s just a matter of bouncing back and not staying down so it becomes detrimental to your mental health. Find what works for you, we are all different.

If nothing else, have flowers in your home! They brighten up any day!

All we need is love?

A new year has started and with that, hopefully, a new beginning.

2020 was a year a lot of people are happy to see the end of. It was a challenging year in so many ways. We all had to find ways to get through it.

For me it was about self care and care for my loved ones. Something we all need more than ever is to give and receive love. If you don’t have a partner or family, who do you have to show love? There are always people around us who need it!

There is something called The Love Languages.

How do you communicate with those you love?

The Love languages fall into 5 categories:-

1. Words of Affirmation: You communicate by encouraging, affirming, listening and appreciating others. You often send unexpected notes, texts or encouragement.

2. Physical Touch: You are a non-verbal communicator, preferring to express how you feel through your body language and touch. You hug, hold hands and prioritise thoughtful touch.

3. Receiving Gifts: You communicate with purpose and a lot of thought. You make others feel like they are a priority and you’re constantly giving thoughtful gestures, gifts and expressing gratitude.

4. Quality Time: You like uninterrupted and focused conversations, preferably 1-1 and like special moments with those you love. You like to do things together and love getaways.

5. Acts of Service: You like being part of a team with those you love. You like to do things together and often say, ‘I’ll help…’ You are thoughtful and go out of your way to help with chores and workload. It’s important to you to know you and your loved ones are connected.

If you aren’t aware of the different ways love can be expressed maybe you’re missing out on receiving these messages? Think about where you fit in; your partner; children; extended family? Are you picking up their cues through the ways they are communicating and are they picking up yours? Are you a mix of different languages? The more awareness you have the more love and connection you’ll feel.

However you choose to communicate and express love, the most important thing is that you do it! We are constantly being reminded of how tenuous this life is and you never know what’s around the next corner. Don’t let moments pass you by…express your languages of love!

2020 - what a year

Who would have predicted a year ago what was ahead of us? Looking back it has been a year of many events and emotions. We all have different experiences and feelings on what has been happening and a lot to digest.

Some have liked it and found it freeing in a funny way. No musts of going places and meeting people. It has allowed them time to spend with their families and reconnecting in a way they hadn’t been able to normally. So many live in a constant state of stress and not being enough and this unexpected situation suddenly enabled them to just be.

The other side has been quite different, causing havoc, stress and uncertainty both emotionally and financially. Many losing their jobs, not being able to pay rent or mortgages. Relationships suffering because of these situations.

Then there’s the in between, the people holding on to their jobs, adjusting and coping even if it’s been tough. It’s been so unpredictable, who is coping and who isn’t. Some who I assumed would be fine haven’t been and others who I thought would struggle have been fine.

What makes us so different? Why do some people manage better than others?

I am not referring to financial difficulties during Covid but rather the emotional coping skills some people possess and others don’t.

I think a lot comes down to resilience and the ability to control the ‘controlable’. The way we respond to situations and allow them to take over or not. How we bounce back rather than dwelling.

This is something we learn and become used to so if a person has not had to deal with many difficulties in their lives and suddenly face them during a pandemic, the ability to cope might not be there.

We can start to learn by reading, talking and noticing other people around us and what they do. Awareness and knowledge helps greatly. Compassion, empathy and gratitude for what we do have also plays a big part in how we deal with difficult situations.

What have you learnt during this year? What has been, if anything, the silver lining in your life?

For me, it has been having a home to work from, the ability to adjust and change our work to go online, spending more time outdoors with some friends whilst exercising, having my husband to be with and support me who also happens to be a great cook and also generally slowing down in life. Noticing nature and the surroundings in a way I haven’t done before has also been lovely.

Self-soothing - such an important part of self-care...

We ran a workshop last week that focused on coping skills in times of stress and one of the best and easiest ways to ensure you have reserves to cope with times of stress - is self-care. Taking care of yourself and making sure that your feelings, energy and resources are replenished so that you have the resilience to cope with adversity or times of concern.

But there are healthy coping skills - and unhealthy ones! And often the differentiation is not that clear. Learning how to make yourself feel better in a way that actually produces a replenishment of your emotions and resources - takes time and intent!

Take time out to soothe yourself when you’re faced with difficulties:

• When your day is becoming stressful and you’re feeling anxious

• When your emotions feel like they’re taking over and making you on edge

• When you’re exhausted and just feel like you’ve had enough

• When you have bad news or heartache

• When you find yourself thinking about or wanting to act in a self-destructive way

• When you feel hyper-sensitive and defensive

Everyone will find different ways to self-soothe - you need to work out the right way for you. It may be just one thing that is your ‘go-to’ escape - or you may prefer a combination of different options. If you’re not sure, pick a few from the list below and give them a try. Find your favourite and then use it whenever you need to self-soothe or desensitise….

Most importantly - include others in this practice - especially your children!

Connection- more important then ever

I just listened to a lovely speaker who talked about connection and how it affects us a human beings and the impact it has on both our mental and physical health.

Do you know that when we have good, deep connection with friends and family, we improve our chances of longevity and health?

Do you also know that showing vulnerability will pay off in the end? It tends to have a domino effect, when one person dares to bare, more people follow.

How many times do we say ‘I’m fine’ when we aren’t? How many times do we actually say what we need when we feel low?

Not often enough is the answer. What stops us? Why is to so hard to show feelings when we are low? Happy and positive feelings are a lot easier to share, aren’t they?

The fear of being judged and fear of rejection are 2 reasons. To step out of that comfort zone takes courage and time but it’s worth it.

When we open up and are received by someone else who shows they care and listen no matter what, that is the best feeling ever. So, if we show others that being vulnerable is ok, we help others to dare to do the same.

Check out this talk, it’s 10 mins of your time: https://youtu.be/WKUgVpCqvfY

What can you do to improve connection? How can you reach out to people?

We have a few gatherings on our road every year and it is such a lovely way to get to know the neighbours. There is a street party every summer, a children’s play day in the autumn, a ladies night, Safari supper and other things through out the year. A great way to be connected to others nearby.

Obviously during Covid, a lot of this has not been possible but we have found other ways to connect via the WhatsApp group, impromptu get togethers outside and just chatting when we bump into each other. It feels good to be part of a community.

There are many people that are lonely around us. This is a problem in big and small communities and it affects our mental health in a detrimental way. We all need connection and feel a belonging whether it’s with neighbours, friends, work colleagues or clubs.

What can we do to be more present and create connection when and if needed? Are there people around us that are longing to belong?

Have a look around you and see what you can do. It all helps.

Enjoy!