Mental Health at Work - the Case of 'Anti-Mattering'

I was early for my train back from London the other day, and while I was sitting there, the cleaner came through the carriage. As she approached, I looked up, smiled, and said, "Good morning – thank you for cleaning the carriage for us." I was shocked by her response.

She almost dropped her bag, turned to me with wide eyes, and said, "You spoke to me." I was puzzled and replied, "Yes, I just said good morning and thank you." She went on to tell me that she’d been working there for over three years, and I was the first passenger who had ever greeted her or thanked her for her work. Quite frankly, I was gobsmacked.

How could she feel so invisible at work for so long and still manage to wear the smile I saw on her face? How is it that we, as people, so often fail to notice and appreciate those around us who are providing a service or simply sharing our space?

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had the privilege of working in the mental health field across various industries, and the more people I meet, the more I hear about this sense of invisibility and being overlooked. It’s no surprise that comments like "I feel empty at work" or "I’m starting to resent my manager" or "The stress is getting too much" are becoming increasingly common. People seem to be noticed primarily for their productivity or outcomes, often accompanied by ‘performance development’ feedback.

The statistics surrounding disengagement, workplace stress, and feelings of unimportance are alarmingly high. The term "anti-mattering" captures how this sense of invisibility can drain someone’s energy and self-worth and contribute to unhealthy stress. Our hybrid or work-from-home model impacts our daily interactions, contacts, and connections and complicates how workers need to consider and navigate these needs. We know that feeling valued for our presence, dedication, and contributions is a fundamental human need.

I want to challenge you to join me in taking action, in line with the theme for World Mental Health Day on the 10th of October – Mental Health at Work – to truly notice those around you in the workplace. Acknowledge that they are seen, that their presence matters, and that their efforts are appreciated. A simple smile, a "hello," or a "thank you" can change someone's day, showing them that they are valued. If we all make this small effort, we can create a culture of inclusion and human connection, where every worker – whether colleague or stranger – feels part of something meaningful and valued.

Our life of contrasts...

The cold and the sun. Two seemingly contrasting states and yet, on a day like today, they work in perfect harmony. Just got back from a walk to the gym in the crisp cold air with the warm sun on my back and it was really glorious. It made me think about how many of life's contrasts work really well together - like that salty and sweet popcorn!

I'm often told that my husband and I are 'complete opposites' and I happen to agree in terms of personality, thinking and social style but our relationship works so well because we share the same values and purpose. That common ground. Often opposite demands, needs, and expectations can be managed really well if they are approached with the right attitude and mindset.

I was reading the post on linkedin from @Mind this morning for #menshealthmonth and thought about how so many men face this contrasting challenge in life. They have societal expectations to be strong and capable and yet they are also encouraged to show vulnerability and ask for help.

As our mental health conversations progress and more and more of us are taking up the call to educate, inform, promote, and support - it's good to know that these contrasts are being spoken about. Working together we can normalise these expectations and behaviours in the same way that sweet and sour sauce works together and is, well - delicious!

Glad to be part of the conversation.

Addiction: a complex issue affecting many.

Addiction is a complicated issue that is often intertwined with low self-esteem, alcoholism, drugs and mental ill health. Understanding the complex relationships is crucial to addressing and combating addiction effectively.

Definiton of addiction: a compulsive and harmful engagement with a substance or behaviour that often leads to negative consequences. It's not limited to substances like drugs or alcohol; it can involve behaviours like gambling, gaming or over/undereating.

Addiction can significantly destroy an individual's self-esteem, creating a vicious cycle that increases mental health challenges and sometimes results in physical diseases.

One important aspect of addiction's impact is its strain on self-esteem. Low self-esteem can predispose individuals to addiction and addiction can, in turn, further lower self-esteem.

Individuals with low self-esteem may turn to addictive substances or behaviours as a means of coping with their feelings of not being good enough, seeking temporary relief or escape. The relief provided by substances or behaviours would offer a fleeting illusion of confidence, reinforcing the addiction. A vicious circle has started.

Over time, however, addiction takes a toll on self-esteem. As it leads to negative consequences like strained relationships, financial problems or job loss, individuals often internalise these experiences, leading to a further decline in self-worth. The cycle perpetuates itself, as diminished self-esteem can make it even harder for individuals to break free from addiction. This highlights the importance of addressing self-esteem issues as part of addiction treatment.

Alcoholism is a specific category of addiction and is characterised by the compulsive and uncontrolled consumption of alcohol. It can have dire consequences for physical health, mental health and overall well-being. While it may start as a social or recreational activity, it can quickly spiral into a disease that impacts nearly every facet of a person's life.

Alcoholism is often regarded as a disease because it has both genetic and environmental components that contribute to its development. Some individuals have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism, meaning they are more likely to become addicted if they consume alcohol. The environment in which one is raised, their early experiences with alcohol and their coping mechanisms also play crucial roles.

Mental health is closely linked to addiction and alcoholism. Many individuals struggling with addiction have underlying mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety or trauma. Many attempt to self-medicate or numb their emotional pain so they turn to substances like alcohol. While alcohol may provide temporary relief, it ultimately exacerbates mental health problems. Alcohol is a depressant which can intensify feelings of sadness and hopelessness, leading to a vicious cycle that worsens both addiction and mental health.

Feelings of shame and guilt often increases with addiction which further erodes an individual's mental health. Addressing the mental health component is essential to breaking this cycle. Good addiction rehab centres recognise the necessity of providing therapy and support for co-occurring mental health conditions.

The connection between addiction and physical disease is another critical aspect to consider. Substance abuse can lead to a wide range of physical health problems, from liver disease to heart issues and beyond. These diseases most likely affects the individual's overall well-being, making it even more challenging to break free from addiction. The physical toll of addiction serves as a stark reminder of the disease aspect of substance abuse.

These elements are closely connected, creating a web of challenges for individuals struggling with addiction. To effectively combat addiction, it is vital to address these interconnected issues holistically, recognising that addiction is not just a matter of willpower but a complex challenge that requires a varied solution.

Understanding the complex nature of addiction is the first step in this journey towards recovery and a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Balancing our children's mental and physical health

Mental ill health can show up early in life. There will be reasons that are out of our control, however, there is also a lot we can do to help.

The sooner we understand what kind of support is needed and available, the better chances our children have for a healthy and good life.

In today's fast-paced world, the well-being of our children should be at the forefront of our concerns. As parents, caregivers, and educators, we strive to provide them with the best opportunities for growth and development.

The link between mental and physical health

Mental and physical health are unavoidably linked and together, they form the basis of a child's overall well-being. When we talk about mental health, we're referring to mental ill health as well as emotional resilience, coping skills, and a positive self-image. Likewise, physical health is more than just physical fitness; it includes nutrition, sleep and general wellness.

For children, maintaining a balance between these two parts is crucial. Physical health supports mental well-being, as regular exercise and a balanced diet can improve mood and cognitive functioning. At the same time, mental health supports physical health by developing healthy habits, reducing stress and strengthening the immune system.

Screen time and its impact

The digital era has launched a variety of screens into our children's lives. While screens offer educational and recreational opportunities, excessive screen time can have a detrimental effect. It can contribute to physical health issues such as obesity, neck and back problems as well as disrupted sleep patterns. It can also affect social development and hinder the development of crucial life skills.

Parents must play a central role in managing screen time. There is no easy way around this. Setting boundaries and encouraging children to engage in age-appropriate, educational content can help strike a balance. Additionally, being actively involved in your children's screen time activities creates a sense of connection and provides opportunities for discussion and guidance. Children like it when parents know what they play and watch.

The power of being present

Parental presence is not just about being there physically; it's about emotional availability and engagement. Attachment theory* explains that a secure emotional bond between children and caregivers is fundamental for healthy development throughout life. These bonds ensure that a child feels safe to explore the world, form relationships, and develop a strong sense of self.

When parents are present both physically and emotionally, a child will feel secure in expressing their feelings, thoughts and concerns. This emotional connection is a protective factor and helps children cope with stress and adversity and increases their self-esteem and resilience.

Dealing with rejection and building resilience

Rejection is a part of life that is hard to avoid, even in childhood. It can come in many forms – not being picked for a team, difficulty making friends or facing academic challenges. How children handle rejection profoundly impacts their mental health and social skills.

Parents can help children deal with rejection by validating their feelings, teaching coping strategies and encouraging perseverance. A strong attachment to the parent or caregiver provides a secure foundation for children to draw strength and resilience from when facing difficult situations.

Developing social skills and connection

Social skills are essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships. Children need to learn how to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts and empathise with others. These skills are best developed through real-world interactions and connections.

Parents can teach social skills by ensuring their children engage with friends or family, both in structured and unstructured settings. Encourage playdates, group activities and open-ended conversations about friendships and emotions. Teach the value of kindness, empathy and how to listen.

The importance of real-life meetings

In our digitally connected world, genuine, face-to-face connections are more critical than ever. While online interactions have their place, they cannot fully replace the importance of in-person connections.

Parents should prioritise family time and ensure they have meaningful conversations. Quality over quantity is key. Engage in activities that promote bonding, such as family meals, outings and shared hobbies. These moments not only strengthen the parent-child bond but also healthy interpersonal relationships.

The development of children's mental and physical health depends on a balance of various interconnected factors. Screen time, parental presence, attachment, rejection, social skills and meaningful connections all play integral roles in shaping a child's well-being. As parents, our aim should be to create an environment that nurtures not only their bodies but also their hearts and minds. By doing so, we equip them with the tools they need to navigate life's challenges and create connections that will enhance their lives.

This takes effort and time, however, when our children leave the nest and fly away, confident and able to cope with life’s ups and downs, pat yourself on the back!

We never stop being their parents and for that, I am forever grateful.

*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory

Why should companies invest in mental health awareness training?

Mental health awareness training is crucial for companies and their staff for several reasons.

Firstly, promoting mental health awareness creates a supportive and inclusive work environment, fostering employee well-being and productivity. By understanding common mental health challenges such as stress, anxiety and depression, staff members can recognise and empathise with their colleagues' struggles, which in turn reduces stigma and encourages open communication.

Secondly, mental health issues can significantly impact job performance (presentism) and absenteeism. By providing training on recognising the signs of mental health concerns, companies can offer support and resources sooner to prevent these issues from escalating. This proactive approach can minimise the negative effects on productivity and team morale, ultimately benefitting the overall organisational performance.

Mental health awareness training equips employees with coping strategies and self-care techniques. By promoting self-awareness and resilience, companies empower their staff to manage stress and maintain optimal well-being, leading to increased job satisfaction and retention. It’s a win-win situation.

Ultimately, mental health awareness training demonstrates a commitment to the holistic well-being of employees. It sends a powerful message that mental health matters and that the company values its staff's welfare, fostering a culture of compassion and understanding. This according to research, is something many employees value more than ever.

We are here to help. Please contact ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk for a chat.

Family, connection and food

We talk a lot about connection and the importance of feeling part of a shared space – and today, I wanted to talk about meal times.

We live in a world of instant gratification, of constant distraction and busyness.  So what happens in your home around meal times?  Are there shared spaces and connections made whilst eating a meal – or is meal time seen as a time to be tolerated and endured to simpy get through?

Meal times present and opportunity for you and your family!

Numerous studies have been done that show how sharing meals is integral to how your family functions and that it can aid closer relationships and build social and emotional skills for you and your child (ren).

Some positives that are encouraged when you sit down at eat together as a family include:

·       Promoting a safe, secure space for your children that enourages attachment

·       An opportunity for you to role model good behaviour and eating habits and pass these onto your child (ren)

·       A great space to practice social interaction, chatting and conversation and in particular, that all impoartant skill of how to listen to each other in a supportive way

·       Conflict resolution, patience and tolerance will also be needed at meal times and give your child (ren) a change to learn how to adjust, adapt and compromise

·       A huge positive for everyone is that eating together and bonding over food reduces stress levels and releases the feel good chemicals such as dopamine and endorphins.

If you don’t normally eat together, try to implement times when you do eat together as a family.  Start small with breakfast or lunch and build up to eating together as a family whenever possible.    Remember it takes 21 days to form a new habit and 90 days for it to become a regular part of your lifestyle, so stick with a new ‘regime’ and build it up slowly into a habit and then a lifestyle.  (the 21:90 rule!)

If you have teens (or pre-teens) give them ample warning about when dinner is.  Set a time and stick to it.  Institute a ‘rule’ that anytime after (say 5pm) if they are going onto an online game or race or activity that they can’t leave, they need to check with you first if they’ll be able to do this before dinner.  Dinner together needs to be seen as a priority for your family and one that you all participate in.

Make it fun – allow kids to have a say in the menu; to cook some of the meal themselves; mix it up a bit at times (have breakfast for dinner one day!) and swap seats.  Use mealtime to talk about your day e.g. ‘what is your highlight of your day’ and then ‘what is one question you didn’t get answered today’ and ‘tell us something new that happened today or tell us a joke’.  If you run out of ideas, learn a new word from the dictionary every day or put ideas into a hat and pull out a series of questions that you’ve gathered from the internet! Teach those social skills!

Installing the habit of eating and forming connections over food is an essential component of wellbeing and you can start this today!

Enjoy!

Written by Jenni Cole

Blowing your own trumpet

What is it about us that stops us from talking more about what we are good at? What makes it sooo much easier to say that we are bad at something?

I think it is a cultural approach as much as it is about fear of what others might think. The ‘brash’ Americans tend to talk a lot more about their strengths and why they are good at certain things.

The British do this a lot less as it’s not seen as a positive to talk about yourself and your accomplishments. Bragging or boasting is a no-no. Self-deprecation is a national trait that has been with us for generations. It is a funny one though, as it is actually not done because of low self-esteem or self-worth, it is merely used to downplay your achievements. It is seen as a sign of social success and a way to hide superiority and secure status. It takes being a natural, self-confident person to successfully be self-depreciating, not an insecure person to pity.

In Sweden on the other hand, we have an unofficial law called ‘Jantelagen’. The basis of this is ‘You are not better than anyone else’. If you have achieved success, do not talk about it or show off with expensive cars, boats or jewellery. We learn to put society ahead of the individual, not to boast about individual accomplishments and not to be jealous of others. Many Swedes would never discuss finances with strangers and would rather talk about sex. There is another saying ‘Lika barn leka bäst’ which means ‘the same kind of children play the best together’. Jante lagen does not apply here if people are with their equally wealthy friends, it’s ok to talk about money. That’s not showing off, that’s just talking about your latest purchase.

The feelings around this vary. I think it comes down to what your intentions are with sharing your achievements. Is it to boast and show off or is it to prove you are good at what you do? It’s not about money in this context, it is more about being successful at your job or being a contributor to society through volunteering or helping others. When is it OK to share those successes?

Anytime I say. Spread the good news! If I can do it, you can. Be proud of your achievements and get recognition. It is important to be kind to ourselves and others. Let others know that you notice them and what they do. We all need it.

On that note, here are some testimonials from our courses:

‘I found the course incredibly useful and helped me expand my knowledge on how to support those in need and how to manage a situation.The course leaders, Jenni and Åse were fantastic and ensured that we understood the course content and the aim of the training. We were given the opportunity to share our own experiences and to discuss areas that we felt we needed more information on. Personally i think the course is invaluable and should be recommended across all levels of the work place and from a personal space too’

‘Jenni and Asa were fabulous I loved the interactive parts of the course and would be interested in training to become a trainer myself! The knowledge and tools were excellent and Jenni made things really easy to understand and was practical.’

Join our mental health awareness Champion MHFA training.

Next dates:

Wednesday 22nd Feb at Hartsfield Manor in Betchworth. 9.30am - 4.30pm

Online:

Wednesday 1st & Friday 2nd March 9.30am - 12.30pm both days.

Please go to: https://mrtconsultants.co.uk/mental-health-awareness

for more information or email ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk

All welcome!!

What's going on in Europe?

Spring is here. Lighter days and nature is waking up properly. I love all seasons but spring is extra special in my world. The birds are singing and the various flowers are showing. Such a beautiful time of the year normally.

One thing weighing on my mind is, like for most of us, the war in Ukraine. I am Swedish and my whole family still lives there. It’s close to Russia in many ways and there have been threats made by Putin towards Sweden. I do not trust him at all. He is a loose cannon and unpredictable. It’s a worry for everyone in Europe.

How do we cope with this and the anxiety that comes with it? What do we do and how can we help others?

There are the practical ways of giving money and supplies to charities and organisations that support Ukraine. You can also offer a home to refugees. Here are a few of the charities:

https://www.unicef.org.uk/donate/donate-now-to-protect-children-in-ukraine

https://donate.redcross.org.uk/appeal/ukraine-crisis-appeal

https://www.support-savethechildren.org/

The tricky part is how we manage in our own minds. The 'what is in our control' versus 'what is outside of our control' comes to mind. When we are able to differentiate between those two and compartmentalise the fears, we can also live in a more relaxed way despite what is going on. In many ways it's similar to how we managed to live with Covid and the fears around that. 

So, work out what you need to do to help yourself.
For me it's:
- avoiding the news at night
- exercising regularly, even if it's just a 20 min walk
- sleeping as well as I possibly can
- eating healthily as much as possible, not all the time by any means. I do enjoy good food and drink...
- seeing family and friends and being grateful I have them
- appreciating the small things like flowers and nature in general

It might sound like mumbo jumbo but it definitely helps me.

Take care of yourself and your loved ones. 

What works for you? Do you know?

There is so much information out there about mental ill health and what we should and shouldn’t do.

As with most things, knowledge and understanding is power and to know what works for us individually is the no 1 thing.

To be told by someone else what you need to do might not be the best thing. Trying things out and working out what actually does work is the way forward in my experience.

I have tried many things in the past, some successful, some not. The one thing I do know is that whatever I do, I must make it part of my routine and to become part of my everyday/week thing to do. I have to like it, feel the difference and look forward to doing it. It takes time for something to become a habit and we have to be prepared to continue for at least 21 days in order for change to happen.

When lockdown happened, I, and most other people, had to change what was my normal routine. Things I had tried in the past without success suddenly became lifesavers. As the lockdown and the changes to our lives continued for such a long time, these habits are now very much ingrained in me.

My husband calls me the spaniel as I am always eager to get out for a walk. Power walks and ‘normal’ walks are a big part of my life and I feel jittery and impatient if I don’t get out. The impact these walks, and nature in general, have on my mental health is immense.

I am absolutely certain that without them, I would have struggled throughout lockdown in particular. I have never seen myself as an anxious or nervy person, still don’t really. However, to get out in nature, with a friend or on my own, releases any of those feelings and I feel more capable of dealing with whatever life throws at me.

So, do you know what helps you keep stress under control, how to keep those low feelings at bay and what lifts your spirits?

Of course, we can’t always be upbeat and feel good but we can ensure we have a better balance in life by using coping skills.

Some us are very private and feel vulnerable sharing feelings with others so for those people it’s even more important to find what helps them.

This and so much more are things we work with at MRT Consultants.

We are here for any questions you might have!

Workplace Wellbeing in 2022?

It’s that time of the year where the days get dark (far too) early, the temperature drops and for some, it’s a tough time of year. The weather plays its part as do the additional costs of Christmas and festive celebrations. What about your mental health and wellbeing over these long winter months?

There are many who are alone - or who feel intense loneliness at this time of the year. You may be fortunate enough to have employment but organisations are not exempt from the ‘winter worries’. For many, they are still recovering from the impact of Covid and many employees are still facing job insecurities or financial worries.

Mental Health First Aid England’s 2021 workplace interviews revealed that ‘47% of respondents said they were having more wellbeing check-ins from their workplace since before the pandemic’ - great news! But we can do more than just check-in!

Here are some tips from MHFA England that your organisation can implement:

Prioritise Wellbeing

Can your firm offer a ‘wellbeing day’ as well as annual leave to support employees? MHFA England lead by example, ‘Our wellbeing strategy includes two total office close down periods – a Wellbeing Week in the summer and one in the winter. The emphasis on ‘total’ is important as it means all employees really do engage in ‘proper downtime’.

Find out what your employees really think

Take stock of how your business has done for the past year with staff morale and wellbeing. Let your staff have a say in their workplace experience. Draw up an anonymous survey to really gauge how everyone is feeling and use the feedback to help you set your goals for the new year with your people, culture, and wellbeing projects.

Check-in regularly with your team members

Encourage everyone to check in with themselves on a regular basis by asking, ‘how do I feel today mentally and physically?’ and ‘am I using helpful coping strategies?’. MHFA England’s My Whole Self MOT is a great tool to use. This will help highlight loneliness, anxiety and stress and give the opportunity to catch this before it develops into more worrying issues.

Be emotionally aware of others

As the world opens up, some will rush back in - but others will feel apprehension and even anxiety with returning to social situations. Everyone is different, so find what works for you and be respectful of the choices that others’ make. ‘Forced fun’ is no fun for anyone!

New year, new you.

Put mental health and wellbeing at the heart of your strategy for 2022. No matter what else, it’s more important than ever that we look after ourselves and our teams.

It may mean changing priorities or simply listening to your employees more - but do something different in 2022!

We have lots to offer your organisation, from bespoke webinars or IRL sessions to accredited Mental Health First Aid training. Ask us for more information: ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk

We’d love to support you and your staff in 2022

Daring to talk about mental health

How do we dare to be open and accepting of others and our own mental health issues? What does it take to feel comfortable with someone at work?

The fear of being judged is very real. The ‘what if’ can often show itself. Am I being looked at differently or treated differently? Do they trust me to do my job properly? Do they think I will be signed off work often?

This is all part of the change with work and company culture within an organisation. When acceptance starts at the top, the likelihood of acceptance further down is more likely.

So, how can this be done? What does your workplace do at the moment?

According to Mind, if you do decide to tell your employer about your mental health situation, think about:

• How and when to do it. It can be helpful to have a note from your doctor to help explain your situation.

• How much information you want to give. You don’t have to go into personal details, just focus on how your mental health problem impacts on your job.

• Whom to share it with. For example, the human resources (HR) department may know your diagnosis, but they don't have to tell your supervisor or colleagues.

There are many people working towards enabling disclosure and openness with mental health in the same way we talk about other illnesses or disabilities.

How good it would be to have an open discussion about all disabilities or setbacks and have understanding and empathy as the norm.

Particularly now as we are about to go back into the workplaces after our Covid year, it is even more relevant and important to enable people to talk. Empower people to open up without shame and vulnerability. Research has shown that more people than ever are suffering with anxiety and depression so it is up to the employers to create a welcoming and empathic workplace to return to.

This is what MRT Consultants strives towards. We help companies support their staff to enable an open work culture for acceptance of differences and disabilities.

Get in touch to find out more about how we can support your workplace and employees.

Eating Disorders Awareness Week

How up to date are you with information on eating disorders? Do you know what they’re all about and how to spot the signs or support someone in your life who may be experiencing this?

This week we’re advocating awareness of eating disorders which are serious, medically dangerous conditions.

Does your child have an eating disorder? To the world, do you seem like the perfect family with a great life? Did you think, ‘it’ll never happen to us’? And what happens when it does? Do you go into overdrive, extreme emotions. Frightened, scared?

Diving into information and knowledge is a starting point to try to wade through the different emotions that you are bound to experience. It’s a form of loss of the life that you thought you had. It’s ‘normal’ to resent the person who has brought these changes into your house and to feel the ripples of emotions throughout the day. As a parent, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t feel you have all the skills and know how to cope with the situation. Whatever you do - it’s enough. Don’t focus on what you’re not doing, do what you can and be present and committed to support your child - as long as you don’t give up on your child and embrace the person that evolves from the eating disorder and acknowledge and reward their progress and journey - then you’re doing a great job as a parent!

Sometimes the person who is experiencing the eating disorder doesn’t even understand the exact reasons for their feelings or behaviours - so how can you be expected to. Don’t play the blame game - it’s no-ones fault - there are lots of reasons why some people are susceptible to mental health illness and others not. Just don’t give up and know you can get through it and come out stronger and healthier together.

Knowledge is power - so find out as much as you can. Get in touch with charities that are there to support you like BEAT: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/supporting-someone

Some tips from a mother who has supported her child through this:

• Avoid personal criticism

• Acknowledge small steps forward

  • Make goals/movement forward achievable and continuous

• Refrain from reinforcing disordered eating / negative language around food

  • Model the right behaviour - what are you doing/saying and how is this impacting on your child? This includes food, exercise and social media input.

• Reinforce healthy eating habits (model them yourself eg: breakfast, lunch and dinner)

• Be as kind as possible and allow your child their own space and control

• Show empathy to your child and give them positive lifts during the day. Work together and let them know that you are part of team or in partnership. Make sure you know you have their back!

• Find the humour and the joy in life and even get to the stage where you can find the humour in the behaviours together. Laugh together…(not at the child!)

• Keep your family routine normal

• Keep communication open and positive. Be transparent and include the whole family in the recovery process. Keep judgement out of conversations - and this includes your opinion!

• Remember the other children in your family - don’t let them feel that they are not getting of your time and attention or are not as important as the child with the eating disorder.

• Do whatever you can to promote self-esteem. Let them know that there is space for everyone in the world and that a lot of what they see on social media isn’t ‘real’.

• Be positive and filled with hope for them that they will recover

If you want more information or are interested in doing a mental health first aid training course to learn more - do get in touch: ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk www.mrtconsultants.co.uk

Watch out for our young people!

This pandemic has affected all of us in one way or the other. Some are worse off, some are coping well. There are different reactions and coping behaviours all around.

As an adult, having lived for 50+ years, I feel fairly able to cope and have found what works for me as far as coping strategies go. Thank goodness for exercise! Without my daily walks and cycling, it would have been a very different scenario.

What about the young people? The 16-25 year olds? How are they coping? What are their views throughout this period? There are so many people to be concerned about and this group is one of them.

They need to feel included, understood and seen. The mental health risks to this age group are also great as they are under different kinds of pressure socially and showing vulnerability to others is a big challenge.

According to research done for the Prince’s Trust Tesco Youth Index, this group feels more anxious and unable to cope than ever.

The Prince’s Trust found that among 16- to 25-year-olds ...

68% feel they are 'missing out on being young'

66% say current and upcoming political events have made them feel anxious about their future

62% believe they’ve 'lost a year' of their lives

58% say constant news about the pandemic makes them feel anxious

54% say political and economic events of 2020 have made their mental health worse

46% of Neets* are dreading the year ahead

38% are dreading the year ahead

Guardian graphic. Source: 2021 Prince’s Trust Tesco Youth Index. *not in work, education or training

Half of the young people interviewed by YouGov for the trust’s 2020 Youth Index, carried out in partnership with Tesco, said current political and economic events had affected their mental health. More than half said they always or often felt anxious, rising to 64% among those not in work, education or training (Neet).

So what can be done for this vulnerable group? How can we help the ones we are close to? What can companies do?

“At this critical time we need businesses, government and individuals to work with us to help as many vulnerable young people as possible,” Jonathan Townsend, the trust’s UK chief executive. “It is only by working together that we can stop this generation of young people giving up on their futures – and themselves.”

So over to you lovely people out there, can you reach out and offer help? Is there space for a young person to join your workforce in one way or another? Even something small can really help a young person to feel valued and that they have a contribution to make.

The Pandemic - how has it affected you?

So, here we are, lockdown 3.0. Who would have ever imagined us here a year ago?

This will be a time to talk about in years to come for sure. As with most things, there will be good and bad parts.

For me, it has changed our company and the way we work. After only delivering workshops and seminars in real life, suddenly we are delivering all over the world! This situation forced us to think outside of the box and it has paid off. We miss real life interaction as human connection is what we are about. However, in a funny way, this pandemic has enabled us to reach more people which is a good thing.

On a personal level I am grateful to have my family, friends and home. Living in a small town has also been good as it enables more connections and meeting people out and about. I have upped my exercise in this past year by power walking, cycling and doing pilates at least 5 times a week. I used to go to a club before but felt limited as the classes would get full and I couldn't always do the classes I wanted. Now I go to my computer, log in and do it when it suits me. I also have quality time with various friends where we walk and talk non stop for our 10km walks. My husband always asks what on earth do we talk about…he’s better off not knowing! He has been an incredible person to be locked down with as he loves cooking and I get 2 meals a day served. Now that is a big positive in my world!

I have noticed that we tend to find it easier to talk about the negatives so I would love to hear the positives from people. There will be something that you have discovered along the way.

I have a need to hold on to the positive thoughts as there are just too many negatives around and it makes me feel low. Something that helps me is not watching the news in the evenings, writing in my journal and reading good books.

What has been a positive for you? Work wise or privately? What have you learnt? How do you help yourself to be the best you can be?

It’s ok to feel low at times, to always be positive is not possible. It’s just a matter of bouncing back and not staying down so it becomes detrimental to your mental health. Find what works for you, we are all different.

If nothing else, have flowers in your home! They brighten up any day!

2020 - what a year

Who would have predicted a year ago what was ahead of us? Looking back it has been a year of many events and emotions. We all have different experiences and feelings on what has been happening and a lot to digest.

Some have liked it and found it freeing in a funny way. No musts of going places and meeting people. It has allowed them time to spend with their families and reconnecting in a way they hadn’t been able to normally. So many live in a constant state of stress and not being enough and this unexpected situation suddenly enabled them to just be.

The other side has been quite different, causing havoc, stress and uncertainty both emotionally and financially. Many losing their jobs, not being able to pay rent or mortgages. Relationships suffering because of these situations.

Then there’s the in between, the people holding on to their jobs, adjusting and coping even if it’s been tough. It’s been so unpredictable, who is coping and who isn’t. Some who I assumed would be fine haven’t been and others who I thought would struggle have been fine.

What makes us so different? Why do some people manage better than others?

I am not referring to financial difficulties during Covid but rather the emotional coping skills some people possess and others don’t.

I think a lot comes down to resilience and the ability to control the ‘controlable’. The way we respond to situations and allow them to take over or not. How we bounce back rather than dwelling.

This is something we learn and become used to so if a person has not had to deal with many difficulties in their lives and suddenly face them during a pandemic, the ability to cope might not be there.

We can start to learn by reading, talking and noticing other people around us and what they do. Awareness and knowledge helps greatly. Compassion, empathy and gratitude for what we do have also plays a big part in how we deal with difficult situations.

What have you learnt during this year? What has been, if anything, the silver lining in your life?

For me, it has been having a home to work from, the ability to adjust and change our work to go online, spending more time outdoors with some friends whilst exercising, having my husband to be with and support me who also happens to be a great cook and also generally slowing down in life. Noticing nature and the surroundings in a way I haven’t done before has also been lovely.

Self-soothing - such an important part of self-care...

We ran a workshop last week that focused on coping skills in times of stress and one of the best and easiest ways to ensure you have reserves to cope with times of stress - is self-care. Taking care of yourself and making sure that your feelings, energy and resources are replenished so that you have the resilience to cope with adversity or times of concern.

But there are healthy coping skills - and unhealthy ones! And often the differentiation is not that clear. Learning how to make yourself feel better in a way that actually produces a replenishment of your emotions and resources - takes time and intent!

Take time out to soothe yourself when you’re faced with difficulties:

• When your day is becoming stressful and you’re feeling anxious

• When your emotions feel like they’re taking over and making you on edge

• When you’re exhausted and just feel like you’ve had enough

• When you have bad news or heartache

• When you find yourself thinking about or wanting to act in a self-destructive way

• When you feel hyper-sensitive and defensive

Everyone will find different ways to self-soothe - you need to work out the right way for you. It may be just one thing that is your ‘go-to’ escape - or you may prefer a combination of different options. If you’re not sure, pick a few from the list below and give them a try. Find your favourite and then use it whenever you need to self-soothe or desensitise….

Most importantly - include others in this practice - especially your children!

Connection- more important then ever

I just listened to a lovely speaker who talked about connection and how it affects us a human beings and the impact it has on both our mental and physical health.

Do you know that when we have good, deep connection with friends and family, we improve our chances of longevity and health?

Do you also know that showing vulnerability will pay off in the end? It tends to have a domino effect, when one person dares to bare, more people follow.

How many times do we say ‘I’m fine’ when we aren’t? How many times do we actually say what we need when we feel low?

Not often enough is the answer. What stops us? Why is to so hard to show feelings when we are low? Happy and positive feelings are a lot easier to share, aren’t they?

The fear of being judged and fear of rejection are 2 reasons. To step out of that comfort zone takes courage and time but it’s worth it.

When we open up and are received by someone else who shows they care and listen no matter what, that is the best feeling ever. So, if we show others that being vulnerable is ok, we help others to dare to do the same.

Check out this talk, it’s 10 mins of your time: https://youtu.be/WKUgVpCqvfY

What can you do to improve connection? How can you reach out to people?

We have a few gatherings on our road every year and it is such a lovely way to get to know the neighbours. There is a street party every summer, a children’s play day in the autumn, a ladies night, Safari supper and other things through out the year. A great way to be connected to others nearby.

Obviously during Covid, a lot of this has not been possible but we have found other ways to connect via the WhatsApp group, impromptu get togethers outside and just chatting when we bump into each other. It feels good to be part of a community.

There are many people that are lonely around us. This is a problem in big and small communities and it affects our mental health in a detrimental way. We all need connection and feel a belonging whether it’s with neighbours, friends, work colleagues or clubs.

What can we do to be more present and create connection when and if needed? Are there people around us that are longing to belong?

Have a look around you and see what you can do. It all helps.

Enjoy!

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day...

I wonder what you were doing today and if you knew it was ‘World Suicide Prevention Day’? Did you pause and have a think about it - look at some news or educational articles? Pick up the phone and call someone to check in with them?

It’s an extremely troubling and sad fact that every 40 seconds someone takes their own life worldwide. In that same time frame, another 20 people attempt suicide. And the circles of people affected by these actions is enormous.

I often wonder why in the year 2020, when we can pick up the phone and call anyone at a moment’s notice when the world is seemingly so connected and accessible, there are still people who feel so alone, vulnerable and stranded with their thoughts and emotions. I firmly believe it is each and every one of our responsibility to care for each other and make a difference. To reach out and connect and ‘work together to prevent suicide’.

I joined the ‘Mental Health and Wellbeing Show’ this morning and it was truly humbling listening to testimonials from people who have struggled with suicidal thoughts and attempts. Something one of the speakers said really stayed with me. He said that with all the battles that he faces he lives by a simple mantra: 'I live for what difference I can make today'. It sounds so simple and yet it has the capacity to be life-changing for both yourself and others. Instead of worrying about the next thing, the next day, the things outside of your control, focus on the simplest thing that you can do today to make a difference - to your life or others. One step at a time. One small difference each day.

After listing to this webinar I popped down to a local charity shop to buy my personal ‘wellbeing tool’ - a jigsaw puzzle and as I was leaving I noticed a woman looking upset in the corner. Turns out the card payment machine wasn’t working and she was £2 short to buy her item. I gave her two coins and she was extremely grateful and rushed to pay. I was at my car when she came out and I saw her walk up to a lady with a child in a pram and hand them the item. The mum broke into the biggest smile and I could hear the child’s animated voice and I couldn’t stop smiling too. My small difference (giving £2 to a stranger) seems to have had an effect on several people - and I have a feeling that positive effect will continue.

Make a difference - no matter how small - and make it today.

Sitting...and sitting...and sitting...what's the down side?

A friend of mine posted a blog from THE MENTAL ELF by Susie Rudge and it looked at the impact that our sedentary lifestyle has on our mental health. It discussed the difference between complete inactivity vs moderate inactivity:

“In their paper, Hallgren et al. (2019) define TV watching as a passive sedentary behaviour. They set out to ascertain the impact on depression of replacing this with either:

• Mentally active sedentary behaviour (e.g. sitting in a meeting, reading)

• Light physical activity (e.g. walking) or

• Moderate-to-vigorous physical activity (e.g. jogging, swimming).”

They make the link between taking charge of your ‘sedentary lifestyle’ and any depressive or low mood conditions you may experience. The conclusion they reached is:

“Conclusions

The authors concluded that passive sedentary behaviours may increase the risk of depression in adults and that substituting completely passive sedentary behaviour (e.g. taking a bath, watching TV, listening to music) with mentally active sedentary behaviour (e.g. knitting, sitting in a meeting, office work), light physical activity (e.g. walking) and moderate to vigorous physical activity (e.g. jogging, swimming) may reduce the risk of depression symptoms occurring in adults.

Mentally active sedentary behaviour may function as a protective factor in that it could reduce the opportunity for negative thought processes. Moreover, physical activity is known to reduce stress hormones and increase positive neurological processes thought to influence and regulate mood in humans.”

So take a look around you and see what you are doing during your day, what your family is doing, friends and colleagues. Try and encourage as much variety as possible to avoid a purely sedentary day, especially if you or someone you know is prone to periods of low mood or depression.

If you’d like to read the full blog here it is: https://www.nationalelfservice.net/mental-health/depression/sedentary-behaviour-increase-likelihood-developing-major-depression/

Keep active!

Emotional intelligence - what is that about?

What makes a person a good co worker to be around? Why do some people get on with ‘everyone’ and some don’t?

Emotional intelligence can be one of the reasons. A person who is emotionally intelligent tends to read people and situations better than others and can therefore also handle them in a different way.

Their ability to handle situations well is now recognised as a top skill by companies.

In a 2011 Career Builder Survey of more than 2,600 hiring managers and human resource professionals, 71% stated they valued emotional intelligence in an employee over IQ; 75% said they were more likely to promote a highly emotionally intelligent worker; and 59% claimed they’d pass up a candidate with a high IQ but low emotional intelligence.

So what is all of this about? What qualities does a person with high emotional intelligence possess? Can they be learnt?

Yes, I do believe we can learn to become emotionally intelligent. Some have it naturally and others have to learn. In order to learn, you have to be motivated and understand why this is important.

Emotional intelligence definition: ’ the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.’

According to Daniel Goleman , an American psychologist who helped to popularise emotional intelligence, there are five key elements to it:

• Self-awareness. - ‘ What am I feeling and what is my part?’

• Self-regulation. - Write a journal and gratitude journal regularly.

• Motivation. - What do I want in my life and why? What difference will it make? Create a mind map that you can see daily.

• Empathy. - Who do you know that is empathic, what do they do and how do they make you feel? Watch and learn and demonstrate.

• Social skills. - How do you reach out to others and how often? How do you interact? Yet again, do you have someone you admire to learn from?

When someone has high emotional intelligence, they can put aside another persons attacks or behaviour as they understand it’s not about them but the person who is doing it. They don’t take it personally and can differentiate between useful and nasty criticism or feedback and learn from it.

As most things we learn, it takes time and practise which means understanding and implementing these skills as often as one can. Eventually they become second nature and part of us.

MRT Consultants offer training to help with these skills.

Please DM or e-mail for further information!

Wish you all a great continuous summer wherever you are!