Addiction: a complex issue affecting many.

Addiction is a complicated issue that is often intertwined with low self-esteem, alcoholism, drugs and mental ill health. Understanding the complex relationships is crucial to addressing and combating addiction effectively.

Definiton of addiction: a compulsive and harmful engagement with a substance or behaviour that often leads to negative consequences. It's not limited to substances like drugs or alcohol; it can involve behaviours like gambling, gaming or over/undereating.

Addiction can significantly destroy an individual's self-esteem, creating a vicious cycle that increases mental health challenges and sometimes results in physical diseases.

One important aspect of addiction's impact is its strain on self-esteem. Low self-esteem can predispose individuals to addiction and addiction can, in turn, further lower self-esteem.

Individuals with low self-esteem may turn to addictive substances or behaviours as a means of coping with their feelings of not being good enough, seeking temporary relief or escape. The relief provided by substances or behaviours would offer a fleeting illusion of confidence, reinforcing the addiction. A vicious circle has started.

Over time, however, addiction takes a toll on self-esteem. As it leads to negative consequences like strained relationships, financial problems or job loss, individuals often internalise these experiences, leading to a further decline in self-worth. The cycle perpetuates itself, as diminished self-esteem can make it even harder for individuals to break free from addiction. This highlights the importance of addressing self-esteem issues as part of addiction treatment.

Alcoholism is a specific category of addiction and is characterised by the compulsive and uncontrolled consumption of alcohol. It can have dire consequences for physical health, mental health and overall well-being. While it may start as a social or recreational activity, it can quickly spiral into a disease that impacts nearly every facet of a person's life.

Alcoholism is often regarded as a disease because it has both genetic and environmental components that contribute to its development. Some individuals have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism, meaning they are more likely to become addicted if they consume alcohol. The environment in which one is raised, their early experiences with alcohol and their coping mechanisms also play crucial roles.

Mental health is closely linked to addiction and alcoholism. Many individuals struggling with addiction have underlying mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety or trauma. Many attempt to self-medicate or numb their emotional pain so they turn to substances like alcohol. While alcohol may provide temporary relief, it ultimately exacerbates mental health problems. Alcohol is a depressant which can intensify feelings of sadness and hopelessness, leading to a vicious cycle that worsens both addiction and mental health.

Feelings of shame and guilt often increases with addiction which further erodes an individual's mental health. Addressing the mental health component is essential to breaking this cycle. Good addiction rehab centres recognise the necessity of providing therapy and support for co-occurring mental health conditions.

The connection between addiction and physical disease is another critical aspect to consider. Substance abuse can lead to a wide range of physical health problems, from liver disease to heart issues and beyond. These diseases most likely affects the individual's overall well-being, making it even more challenging to break free from addiction. The physical toll of addiction serves as a stark reminder of the disease aspect of substance abuse.

These elements are closely connected, creating a web of challenges for individuals struggling with addiction. To effectively combat addiction, it is vital to address these interconnected issues holistically, recognising that addiction is not just a matter of willpower but a complex challenge that requires a varied solution.

Understanding the complex nature of addiction is the first step in this journey towards recovery and a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Monday thoughts: Embracing mental health awareness, confronting fears and being vulnerable

Mondays often symbolise new beginnings and fresh starts, making it an opportunity to reflect on important aspects of our lives. Today, I want to look into the realm of mental health awareness, fears and vulnerability.

In a world that frequently encourages us to wear masks of strength and invincibility, it is crucial to acknowledge and prioritise our mental well-being. Mental health awareness demands compassion, understanding and open dialogue. By normalising conversations surrounding mental health, we can break the stigma associated with it, creating a supportive environment for those who are struggling.

Addressing fears is an integral part of our personal growth. We all have fears that can sometimes paralyse us, preventing us from reaching our full potential. The ‘what’ if someone sees the real me and doesn’t want to know me anymore?

By acknowledging and facing our fears head-on, we can transform them into catalysts for positive change. It is important to remember that fear is a natural part of being human and it is through embracing it that we can find courage and strength. Feel the fear and do it anyway!

Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, but in reality, it is a testament to our authenticity and self awareness. It takes immense strength to let down our guard and expose our true selves. By embracing vulnerability, we open ourselves up to closer connections, empathy and growth. Sharing our struggles and triumphs not only nurtures our own mental well-being but also encourages others to do the same.

On this Monday, let's make a commitment to prioritise mental health awareness, confront our fears and embrace vulnerability. Reach out to loved ones, engage in self-reflection and practice self-care.

Let us create a world where mental health is valued and where individuals are empowered to be their authentic selves, free from judgment and shame.

Remember, our collective well-being begins with each one of us. Together, we can build a society that cherishes mental health, compassion and the celebration of vulnerability.

It’s a scary place to go to but with the support of our loved ones, it is possible. It is also vital that our workplaces follow suit.

To enable and create a more inclusive, empathic and supporting workplace, training is needed.

We are here to help.

The photo is from my front garden. Plants make me happy.

The connection between self-esteem and mental ill health.

Self-esteem is a critical part of our mental health as it is the foundation of how we see ourselves and have confidence in our abilities. It is the value we place on ourselves, our beliefs about our capabilities and our ability to meet challenges.

High self-esteem is linked to good mental health and a sense of well-being, while low self-esteem can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety and other mental health disorders. It may also get in the way of relationships both at work and privately.

A person with high self-esteem is more confident, self-assured, and has a positive outlook on life. They tend to be better equipped to handle stress, setbacks and challenges because they believe in their ability to overcome obstacles. On the other hand, individuals with low self-esteem often struggle with negative self-talk, self-doubt, and feelings of worthlessness which can lead to a range of mental health problems.

One of the biggest impacts of low self-esteem on mental health is depression. When we have a negative view of ourselves, we are more likely to experience feelings of hopelessness, sadness and despair. This can lead to a vicious cycle, where our low self-esteem makes us more vulnerable to depression which in turn, further wears down our self-esteem.

Anxiety is also a big part of low self-esteem. When we have low self-esteem, we may constantly worry about what others think of us or fear rejection. This can lead to feelings of anxiety and even panic attacks.

Addiction and low self-esteem are also connected. When we don't feel good about ourselves, we may turn to drugs, alcohol or other substances to cope with our negative feelings. This can lead to a range of addiction problems, including substance abuse, gambling addiction and compulsive overeating.

Paying attention to our own and others’ behaviour and getting help sooner rather than later is vital as early intervention is key to recovery and prevention of further decline.

In conclusion, self-esteem is a vital component of mental health, and low self-esteem can have a range of negative impacts on our mental well-being. It is important to cultivate a positive self-image and confidence in our abilities, as this can help us better cope with stress, setbacks and challenges in life.

If you are struggling with low self-esteem, it is important to seek support from a mental health professional who can help you develop strategies to improve your self-esteem and mental health.

Take care!

Blowing your own trumpet

What is it about us that stops us from talking more about what we are good at? What makes it sooo much easier to say that we are bad at something?

I think it is a cultural approach as much as it is about fear of what others might think. The ‘brash’ Americans tend to talk a lot more about their strengths and why they are good at certain things.

The British do this a lot less as it’s not seen as a positive to talk about yourself and your accomplishments. Bragging or boasting is a no-no. Self-deprecation is a national trait that has been with us for generations. It is a funny one though, as it is actually not done because of low self-esteem or self-worth, it is merely used to downplay your achievements. It is seen as a sign of social success and a way to hide superiority and secure status. It takes being a natural, self-confident person to successfully be self-depreciating, not an insecure person to pity.

In Sweden on the other hand, we have an unofficial law called ‘Jantelagen’. The basis of this is ‘You are not better than anyone else’. If you have achieved success, do not talk about it or show off with expensive cars, boats or jewellery. We learn to put society ahead of the individual, not to boast about individual accomplishments and not to be jealous of others. Many Swedes would never discuss finances with strangers and would rather talk about sex. There is another saying ‘Lika barn leka bäst’ which means ‘the same kind of children play the best together’. Jante lagen does not apply here if people are with their equally wealthy friends, it’s ok to talk about money. That’s not showing off, that’s just talking about your latest purchase.

The feelings around this vary. I think it comes down to what your intentions are with sharing your achievements. Is it to boast and show off or is it to prove you are good at what you do? It’s not about money in this context, it is more about being successful at your job or being a contributor to society through volunteering or helping others. When is it OK to share those successes?

Anytime I say. Spread the good news! If I can do it, you can. Be proud of your achievements and get recognition. It is important to be kind to ourselves and others. Let others know that you notice them and what they do. We all need it.

On that note, here are some testimonials from our courses:

‘I found the course incredibly useful and helped me expand my knowledge on how to support those in need and how to manage a situation.The course leaders, Jenni and Åse were fantastic and ensured that we understood the course content and the aim of the training. We were given the opportunity to share our own experiences and to discuss areas that we felt we needed more information on. Personally i think the course is invaluable and should be recommended across all levels of the work place and from a personal space too’

‘Jenni and Asa were fabulous I loved the interactive parts of the course and would be interested in training to become a trainer myself! The knowledge and tools were excellent and Jenni made things really easy to understand and was practical.’

Join our mental health awareness Champion MHFA training.

Next dates:

Wednesday 22nd Feb at Hartsfield Manor in Betchworth. 9.30am - 4.30pm

Online:

Wednesday 1st & Friday 2nd March 9.30am - 12.30pm both days.

Please go to: https://mrtconsultants.co.uk/mental-health-awareness

for more information or email ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk

All welcome!!

What's going on in Europe?

Spring is here. Lighter days and nature is waking up properly. I love all seasons but spring is extra special in my world. The birds are singing and the various flowers are showing. Such a beautiful time of the year normally.

One thing weighing on my mind is, like for most of us, the war in Ukraine. I am Swedish and my whole family still lives there. It’s close to Russia in many ways and there have been threats made by Putin towards Sweden. I do not trust him at all. He is a loose cannon and unpredictable. It’s a worry for everyone in Europe.

How do we cope with this and the anxiety that comes with it? What do we do and how can we help others?

There are the practical ways of giving money and supplies to charities and organisations that support Ukraine. You can also offer a home to refugees. Here are a few of the charities:

https://www.unicef.org.uk/donate/donate-now-to-protect-children-in-ukraine

https://donate.redcross.org.uk/appeal/ukraine-crisis-appeal

https://www.support-savethechildren.org/

The tricky part is how we manage in our own minds. The 'what is in our control' versus 'what is outside of our control' comes to mind. When we are able to differentiate between those two and compartmentalise the fears, we can also live in a more relaxed way despite what is going on. In many ways it's similar to how we managed to live with Covid and the fears around that. 

So, work out what you need to do to help yourself.
For me it's:
- avoiding the news at night
- exercising regularly, even if it's just a 20 min walk
- sleeping as well as I possibly can
- eating healthily as much as possible, not all the time by any means. I do enjoy good food and drink...
- seeing family and friends and being grateful I have them
- appreciating the small things like flowers and nature in general

It might sound like mumbo jumbo but it definitely helps me.

Take care of yourself and your loved ones. 

Eating Disorders Awareness Week

How up to date are you with information on eating disorders? Do you know what they’re all about and how to spot the signs or support someone in your life who may be experiencing this?

This week we’re advocating awareness of eating disorders which are serious, medically dangerous conditions.

Does your child have an eating disorder? To the world, do you seem like the perfect family with a great life? Did you think, ‘it’ll never happen to us’? And what happens when it does? Do you go into overdrive, extreme emotions. Frightened, scared?

Diving into information and knowledge is a starting point to try to wade through the different emotions that you are bound to experience. It’s a form of loss of the life that you thought you had. It’s ‘normal’ to resent the person who has brought these changes into your house and to feel the ripples of emotions throughout the day. As a parent, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t feel you have all the skills and know how to cope with the situation. Whatever you do - it’s enough. Don’t focus on what you’re not doing, do what you can and be present and committed to support your child - as long as you don’t give up on your child and embrace the person that evolves from the eating disorder and acknowledge and reward their progress and journey - then you’re doing a great job as a parent!

Sometimes the person who is experiencing the eating disorder doesn’t even understand the exact reasons for their feelings or behaviours - so how can you be expected to. Don’t play the blame game - it’s no-ones fault - there are lots of reasons why some people are susceptible to mental health illness and others not. Just don’t give up and know you can get through it and come out stronger and healthier together.

Knowledge is power - so find out as much as you can. Get in touch with charities that are there to support you like BEAT: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/supporting-someone

Some tips from a mother who has supported her child through this:

• Avoid personal criticism

• Acknowledge small steps forward

  • Make goals/movement forward achievable and continuous

• Refrain from reinforcing disordered eating / negative language around food

  • Model the right behaviour - what are you doing/saying and how is this impacting on your child? This includes food, exercise and social media input.

• Reinforce healthy eating habits (model them yourself eg: breakfast, lunch and dinner)

• Be as kind as possible and allow your child their own space and control

• Show empathy to your child and give them positive lifts during the day. Work together and let them know that you are part of team or in partnership. Make sure you know you have their back!

• Find the humour and the joy in life and even get to the stage where you can find the humour in the behaviours together. Laugh together…(not at the child!)

• Keep your family routine normal

• Keep communication open and positive. Be transparent and include the whole family in the recovery process. Keep judgement out of conversations - and this includes your opinion!

• Remember the other children in your family - don’t let them feel that they are not getting of your time and attention or are not as important as the child with the eating disorder.

• Do whatever you can to promote self-esteem. Let them know that there is space for everyone in the world and that a lot of what they see on social media isn’t ‘real’.

• Be positive and filled with hope for them that they will recover

If you want more information or are interested in doing a mental health first aid training course to learn more - do get in touch: ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk www.mrtconsultants.co.uk

Watch out for our young people!

This pandemic has affected all of us in one way or the other. Some are worse off, some are coping well. There are different reactions and coping behaviours all around.

As an adult, having lived for 50+ years, I feel fairly able to cope and have found what works for me as far as coping strategies go. Thank goodness for exercise! Without my daily walks and cycling, it would have been a very different scenario.

What about the young people? The 16-25 year olds? How are they coping? What are their views throughout this period? There are so many people to be concerned about and this group is one of them.

They need to feel included, understood and seen. The mental health risks to this age group are also great as they are under different kinds of pressure socially and showing vulnerability to others is a big challenge.

According to research done for the Prince’s Trust Tesco Youth Index, this group feels more anxious and unable to cope than ever.

The Prince’s Trust found that among 16- to 25-year-olds ...

68% feel they are 'missing out on being young'

66% say current and upcoming political events have made them feel anxious about their future

62% believe they’ve 'lost a year' of their lives

58% say constant news about the pandemic makes them feel anxious

54% say political and economic events of 2020 have made their mental health worse

46% of Neets* are dreading the year ahead

38% are dreading the year ahead

Guardian graphic. Source: 2021 Prince’s Trust Tesco Youth Index. *not in work, education or training

Half of the young people interviewed by YouGov for the trust’s 2020 Youth Index, carried out in partnership with Tesco, said current political and economic events had affected their mental health. More than half said they always or often felt anxious, rising to 64% among those not in work, education or training (Neet).

So what can be done for this vulnerable group? How can we help the ones we are close to? What can companies do?

“At this critical time we need businesses, government and individuals to work with us to help as many vulnerable young people as possible,” Jonathan Townsend, the trust’s UK chief executive. “It is only by working together that we can stop this generation of young people giving up on their futures – and themselves.”

So over to you lovely people out there, can you reach out and offer help? Is there space for a young person to join your workforce in one way or another? Even something small can really help a young person to feel valued and that they have a contribution to make.

2020 - what a year

Who would have predicted a year ago what was ahead of us? Looking back it has been a year of many events and emotions. We all have different experiences and feelings on what has been happening and a lot to digest.

Some have liked it and found it freeing in a funny way. No musts of going places and meeting people. It has allowed them time to spend with their families and reconnecting in a way they hadn’t been able to normally. So many live in a constant state of stress and not being enough and this unexpected situation suddenly enabled them to just be.

The other side has been quite different, causing havoc, stress and uncertainty both emotionally and financially. Many losing their jobs, not being able to pay rent or mortgages. Relationships suffering because of these situations.

Then there’s the in between, the people holding on to their jobs, adjusting and coping even if it’s been tough. It’s been so unpredictable, who is coping and who isn’t. Some who I assumed would be fine haven’t been and others who I thought would struggle have been fine.

What makes us so different? Why do some people manage better than others?

I am not referring to financial difficulties during Covid but rather the emotional coping skills some people possess and others don’t.

I think a lot comes down to resilience and the ability to control the ‘controlable’. The way we respond to situations and allow them to take over or not. How we bounce back rather than dwelling.

This is something we learn and become used to so if a person has not had to deal with many difficulties in their lives and suddenly face them during a pandemic, the ability to cope might not be there.

We can start to learn by reading, talking and noticing other people around us and what they do. Awareness and knowledge helps greatly. Compassion, empathy and gratitude for what we do have also plays a big part in how we deal with difficult situations.

What have you learnt during this year? What has been, if anything, the silver lining in your life?

For me, it has been having a home to work from, the ability to adjust and change our work to go online, spending more time outdoors with some friends whilst exercising, having my husband to be with and support me who also happens to be a great cook and also generally slowing down in life. Noticing nature and the surroundings in a way I haven’t done before has also been lovely.

Connection- more important then ever

I just listened to a lovely speaker who talked about connection and how it affects us a human beings and the impact it has on both our mental and physical health.

Do you know that when we have good, deep connection with friends and family, we improve our chances of longevity and health?

Do you also know that showing vulnerability will pay off in the end? It tends to have a domino effect, when one person dares to bare, more people follow.

How many times do we say ‘I’m fine’ when we aren’t? How many times do we actually say what we need when we feel low?

Not often enough is the answer. What stops us? Why is to so hard to show feelings when we are low? Happy and positive feelings are a lot easier to share, aren’t they?

The fear of being judged and fear of rejection are 2 reasons. To step out of that comfort zone takes courage and time but it’s worth it.

When we open up and are received by someone else who shows they care and listen no matter what, that is the best feeling ever. So, if we show others that being vulnerable is ok, we help others to dare to do the same.

Check out this talk, it’s 10 mins of your time: https://youtu.be/WKUgVpCqvfY

What can you do to improve connection? How can you reach out to people?

We have a few gatherings on our road every year and it is such a lovely way to get to know the neighbours. There is a street party every summer, a children’s play day in the autumn, a ladies night, Safari supper and other things through out the year. A great way to be connected to others nearby.

Obviously during Covid, a lot of this has not been possible but we have found other ways to connect via the WhatsApp group, impromptu get togethers outside and just chatting when we bump into each other. It feels good to be part of a community.

There are many people that are lonely around us. This is a problem in big and small communities and it affects our mental health in a detrimental way. We all need connection and feel a belonging whether it’s with neighbours, friends, work colleagues or clubs.

What can we do to be more present and create connection when and if needed? Are there people around us that are longing to belong?

Have a look around you and see what you can do. It all helps.

Enjoy!

Emotional intelligence - what is that about?

What makes a person a good co worker to be around? Why do some people get on with ‘everyone’ and some don’t?

Emotional intelligence can be one of the reasons. A person who is emotionally intelligent tends to read people and situations better than others and can therefore also handle them in a different way.

Their ability to handle situations well is now recognised as a top skill by companies.

In a 2011 Career Builder Survey of more than 2,600 hiring managers and human resource professionals, 71% stated they valued emotional intelligence in an employee over IQ; 75% said they were more likely to promote a highly emotionally intelligent worker; and 59% claimed they’d pass up a candidate with a high IQ but low emotional intelligence.

So what is all of this about? What qualities does a person with high emotional intelligence possess? Can they be learnt?

Yes, I do believe we can learn to become emotionally intelligent. Some have it naturally and others have to learn. In order to learn, you have to be motivated and understand why this is important.

Emotional intelligence definition: ’ the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.’

According to Daniel Goleman , an American psychologist who helped to popularise emotional intelligence, there are five key elements to it:

• Self-awareness. - ‘ What am I feeling and what is my part?’

• Self-regulation. - Write a journal and gratitude journal regularly.

• Motivation. - What do I want in my life and why? What difference will it make? Create a mind map that you can see daily.

• Empathy. - Who do you know that is empathic, what do they do and how do they make you feel? Watch and learn and demonstrate.

• Social skills. - How do you reach out to others and how often? How do you interact? Yet again, do you have someone you admire to learn from?

When someone has high emotional intelligence, they can put aside another persons attacks or behaviour as they understand it’s not about them but the person who is doing it. They don’t take it personally and can differentiate between useful and nasty criticism or feedback and learn from it.

As most things we learn, it takes time and practise which means understanding and implementing these skills as often as one can. Eventually they become second nature and part of us.

MRT Consultants offer training to help with these skills.

Please DM or e-mail for further information!

Wish you all a great continuous summer wherever you are!

How are different personality types coping with social distancing?

We’re getting used to being physically and socially distanced from people.  While we all know and understand the reasoning and value behind it – it doesn’t mean that we are finding it easy.  But there are definitely some personality types that are finding it easier than others!

Some people feel like they are literally in solitary confinement whereas others are actually relishing the time alone.  Is this because some people are naturally introverts who thrive in quieter more 1-1 situations?  Or is it something more?

On the basis of nature and biology, humans are social creatures who are designed to thrive in groups and rely on each other for survival. This is where the phrase ‘strength in numbers’ evolved from as well as the laws of natural selection.  Although the world is vastly different from these primitive survival days, we still have an instinct to remain close to other people.  It is one of our basic human needs for connection.

When we are in a situation where proximity to others is removed, our bodies will naturally respond with a level of stress.  As with all stress, we experience the adrenaline that fuels the flight or fight response. However, being in isolation adds another risk - loneliness. Loneliness is one of the most powerful mental and emotional stressors often manifesting in increased anxiety and depression. With no sign of social distancing ending, this stress is likely to increase, so if you know of someone who is experiencing added loneliness at this time - please be extra mindful and vigilant of their mental health.

But then there are those who seem to be thoroughly happy with the social isolation situation. It’s often found that someone who enjoyed playing alone as a child – will continue to thrive when they are isolated from others as an adult. They often present with better mental health and don’t experience ‘FOMO’ (fear of missing out) as intensely as others do and they may also seem to be more grounded.  The upside of this behaviour is often more focus and creativity and self-discipline.

So, even if you’re a person who just loves being with others, take this time to tap into your other side.  Allow yourself the time to really hone your focus and self-awareness skills.  Use the time for reflection and learning and get in touch with your thoughts, feelings and what really makes you happy.  Do you enjoy time with yourself?  If not – why not?   How is your relationship with yourself?  What is your sense-of-self and are you happy with all aspects of yourself?  Do you value yourself?

Important questions – hope you’ll take time to answer them.

Remember – you are the one person you can be sure you will always have in your life!

When does it start and how can we change the end?

It’s been all over media the last few days. Caroline Flack and her desperately sad ending to her life.

This is a person whose life was under scrutiny for many years and it finally took its toll. I guess there is only so much a person can take without taking desperate action and in Caroline’s case, this meant taking her own life.

How unbelievably desolate, hopeless and lonely she must have felt those last minutes or maybe hours, days, weeks or even years. How do we know how someone feels? What can we do as partners, parents, siblings, friends or colleagues?

This, I am sure is what thousands of people ask themselves every day in the UK.

There are approximately 18 suicides per day in the UK which will affect so many more than just the direct family. 75% of suicides completed are by men. The most are men in the age group 45-49 years old. The death rate for under 25s rose by 24% during 2018 and is even higher now.

These are frightening statistics and makes me wonder what is going on in our society?

I believe there is always hope and together we can make a difference. By talking openly about fears and feelings, being present and listening. Noticing changes and approaching in an appropriate way. Get to know our own feelings and acknowledge the need when it appears. Understand what works for us and encourage others to learn as well.

Start early by teaching our children about feelings and the importance of talking and listening. Improving and building our self-esteem is an ongoing process which is the base for so much of how resilient we are. Also known as fitness for the soul, it’s the basis of our wellbeing.

It takes a village to raise a child. Who or what are your resources? How can you get talking if you aren’t already? What’s stopping you?

www.familyfocusuk.com

Does honesty in the workplace pay off??

Jeff (not his real name) has a high profile job. He is a senior leader in the organisation with a lot of direct reports. 

For the past year, Jeff has had a physiotherapy appointment every Monday morning and has gone away on two long-distance cycling trips, each lasting three weeks. 

For the rest of the time, he has been present at the office with almost no time off. 

He’s worked long hours choosing to arrive at the office early and leave late. 

But at the start of this year, Jeff has decided to change one thing. His silence.

Don't suffer in silence

He’s decided to speak up about his life – what’s really going on - and make a change.

You see, Jeff was never at the physio on a Monday. 

He was seeing a counsellor about his mental health concerns and in particular his feelings of depression. 

His long cycling trips were made-up stories. 

These were times when he was so low that he couldn’t face being in the office. 

On one of the ‘trips’, he had instead booked himself into a retreat to access support and care.

Why was Jeff not able to speak about this honestly? What barriers and stigma were in his workplace that kept him silent? 

Interestingly, with hindsight, Jeff became aware that he was contributing to the culture of silence in his workplace and realised that he needed to speak up.

So he did.

Jeff brought all of his staff, 190 people, into his circle and made a full disclosure on what he’s been dealing with. 

He held his hand up and said: “I’m battling to cope – all the secrecy and lies are adding too much anxiety and stress to my life.”

He was expecting resistance, rebuttal and recrimination. Instead, he received gratitude, support and a workplace that embraced his transparency and disclosure.

Where he had feared lack of respect, lack of support and a decline in productivity – he actually experienced the opposite. 

His honesty and ‘leading from the top’ allowed others in the organisation to come on board with their own issues and concerns and work together as a team to be the best they can be.

Mental health is something we all have. It is a dynamic, constantly changing state of mind and emotion and affects us all.

How can you help yourself and others to understand and cope with your mental health and wellbeing? What can you do in your workplace to promote positive mental health and reduce the stigma associated with depression, anxiety and other mental health issues?

You can start with knowledge and awareness. 

Learn as much as you can about these issues so that you feel better able to support yourself and others in need. 

Learn what you can do to make your workplace more inclusive and open to conversations around mental health. 

Equip yourself with skills and tools on how to cope and be mindful in this increasingly stressful world.

Family Focus UK's Ase Greenacre and Jenni Cole

Family Focus UK promotes and encourages wellbeing and mental health awareness in the workplace and privately.

It trains Mental Health First Aiders on a two-day fully accredited course with MHFA England. 

It also offers a ‘Champion’ for mental health (one-day training) or workshops on mental health awareness and self and team care in your workplace.

Your trainers will be Ase Greenacre and Jenni Cole, two highly motivated and knowledgeable facilitators with a wealth of experience in coaching, counselling and mental health. 

They are also parenting experts, mothers and wives and female business owners. 

Your session will be packed with activities, tips and tools, laughter and lots of learning.

There are so many things you can do. The trick is to do something. A good start is by signing up to one of Family Focus UK’s courses in Reigate, Surrey.

• Mental Health First Aider (two days): Monday-Tuesday, February 17-18

• Mental Health First Aid Champion (one day): Wednesday, February 26

Do I dare to or not?

How do we dare to be open and accepting of others and your own mental health issues? What does it take to feel comfortable with someone at work?

The fear of being judged is very real. The ‘what if’ can often show it self. Am I being looked at differently or treated differently? Do they trust me to do my job properly? Do they think I will be signed off work often?

This is all part of the change of the work and company culture within an organisation. When acceptance starts at the top, the likelihood of acceptance further down is more likely.

So, how can this be done? What does your workplace do at the moment?

According to Mind, if you do decide to tell your employer, think about:

• How and when to do it. It can be helpful to have a note from your doctor to help explain your situation.

• How much information you want to give. You don’t have to go into personal details, just focus on how your mental health problem impacts on your job.

• Whom to share it with. For example, the human resources (HR) department may know your diagnosis, but they don't have to tell your supervisor or colleagues.

There are many people working towards enabling disclosure and openness the same way we talk about other illnesses or disabilities.

How good it would be to have an open discussion about all disabilities and have an understanding and empathy as the norm.

This is what Family Focus UK strives towards. We help companies support their staff to enable an open work culture for acceptance of differences and disabilities. Check out what we offer on: http://www.familyfocusuk.com/mental-health-awareness

Waterpolo anyone?

Growing up in South Africa, water polo was part of our life and culture and I was thrilled when I was able to start a club at my son’s school.

It was fascinating watching a group of boys age 12 - 15 work out how to play. The physical side is a skill set they can learn - but it is the mental side of the game that is the journey.

It soon became apparent that the difference between playing well or poorly was closely linked to the brain matter between their ears. 

Players realised that how they made decisions and mentally executed them was critical.  Were they able to stay calm and composed when under pressure by the opposition?  Did they get too nervous and flounder the ball?   Could they stay focused and let everything else go?  Were they able to keep their concentration levels up for the whole game?  

 When mistakes were made, could they let them go and move on – get their head back into the next series of plays?  Who was letting anger and disappointment disrupt their play and who would berate their fellow players?  So much was seen and experienced in that pool!

 And then there was the social side.

Watching the team bond, watching communication happen and teamwork develop.  Seeing players develop resilience and resistance to opposition challenges.  Players learning how to stay centred and focused on their own game plan.   Seeing self-belief take shape and confidence grow

And the fun!

Waterpolo is fantastic fun. We have loads of laughter, horseplay and interaction throughout the session and watching players climbing out the pool, all I see is a sea of smiling faces.

If you’re not part of a team sport - think about joining one. It is such a positive experience and can have a profound impact on your mood and mental health. Exercise is one of the key ingredients for a healthy mind - and team sports adds another whole level of benefits.

There are so many options to consider -why not try one?

My son in action!

Look out!

I have just been watching the news and a report about the decline in young peoples mental health. It is getting worse by the day. What can be done? How can we help?

One thing is to be aware and understand the signs of mental health issues and know how to approach someone.

Even better is preventative action. The earlier we start talking and creating a trusting relationship, the more we will be in a place to support and help. This involves being present and spending time with the people that matter.

Part of the problem in todays society is the lack of connection as more and more people spend too much time on line rather than talking and be together as families. This is one of the things that keeps on popping up when talking to youngsters, ‘My parents are always busy with other things like being on the their phones or laptops’ ‘They’d rather be online than with me’.

What this really says is that these children or people over all don’t feel significant and important enough to be seen and heard. This has a great impact on their self-esteem which get lower and lower unless dealt with.

Low self-esteem will lead to a person doubting themselves, not being good enough, not being worthy of love and attention. It can also lead to a person making decisions based on the need to be seen and loved rather than what is actually the best decision for them.

So, be aware, pay attention, put away those devices and be PRESENT!!

We are currently delivering MHFA training as well as other relevant topics within Mental health and emotional wellbeing.

For further information please go to:

www.familyfocusuk.com

National Suicide Prevention Day...10 September 2019

Today we are focusing on the worrying rates of suicides in the UK - and worldwide. In the UK 75% of suicides are by men with the age group 40 - 49 at the highest risk. Alarmingly the under 25 age group numbers of suicides has increased by 23.7% in the last year and overall suicides are up by 11.8%. Looking at statistics globally, the World Health Organisation figures show one person dies by suicide every 40 seconds.

6507 suicides were recorded in the UK in 2018 - more than road accidents and wars and we fear this number is probably higher due to the subjectivity in the law around the recording of the cause of death.

It’s extremely worrying and becoming far too prevalent.

Last week, during a delivery of a Mental Health First Aid course, I was speaking to a participant who shared that 3 friends had died by suicide in the last year. All under the age of 25.

It’s real and happening and we have to do something about it.

So what can you do? How can you help with ‘prevention of suicide’?

The most important things you can do are:

Notice other people. Don’t let things slide by. If you notice changes in behaviour or mood or appearances - ask that person how they are feeling. And ask with care, interest and purpose.

Connect with others. People who are considering suicide often feel isolated, alone and desperate. They feel overwhelmed with their thoughts, feelings, troubles and feel that they have ‘no way out’. By connecting with them (which simply means being present and focusing on them) they will not be alone and this may make a huge difference.

Listen to them. Don’t try and fix their problems, or tell them about how you’ve had similar worries, Just listen to them. Be there for them and show genuine care and support.

Encourage them to get support and professional help. There are so many organisations that offer fantastic services and support - a few are listed below:

Samaritans: for everyone  Call 116 123  Email jo@samaritans.org www.samaritians.org

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM): for men Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight daily

Papyrus: Prevention of Young Suicide) under 35 Call 0800 068 41 41 – Mon to Fri 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm  Text 07786 209697 Email pat@papyrus-uk.org

Childline:  for children and young people under 19 Call 0800 1111  www.childline.org.uk

The Silver Line:  for older people Call 0800 4 70 80 90

CALM: (Campaign Against Living Miserably)  0800 58 58 58 www.thecalmzone.net 

The Mix:  Under 25’s  freephone 0808 808 4994 (1 – 11pm) www.themix.org.uk

YoungMinds: Crisis Messenger free, 24/7 mental health crisis support text YM to 85258

And take care of yourself too!

The 'controversy' of Cannabis?

I came across a link on facebook that had created a lot of controversy (going by the conflicting comments posted). It headlined ‘Cannabis gives teenagers ‘brain damage’ and loss of self-control, study finds’.

“...the adolescent brain may be particularly vulnerable to the effects of substance use, particularly cannabis” Dr Marilyn Cyr

Dr Cyr is the lead researcher from Columbia University in the US. She showed that there was a direct link between adult substance use and problems with drugs and alcohol in adolescence.

This gave me pause for thought as in our mental health work we know that there is a link between drugs (particularly depressants), dependency and mental health concerns. We also know that the teenage brain is a ‘work in progress’ and really susceptible to influences (physical and cognitive). Teenage neural pathways are a hive of activity and development with the frontal cortex only fully developing by the age of 25. This means that teenagers are particularly vulnerable to substance use and by using it ‘recreationally’ in this developmental stage, they may in fact be paving the way for problems later on in life. They are, in effect, ‘wiring’ their brains during development towards this path.

Cannabis is the most widely used recreational drug among teenagers world-wide with vaping growing at an alarming rate. This research is a big step towards directing early interventions that will help manage addictive behaviours.

So what are ‘early interventions’ and what are their goals?

• To reduce potential harms and risky behaviours

• To prevent the behaviour developing into a disorder

• To provide information about substance use risks

• To provide information about normal and safe levels of use

• To provide information on how to quit or cut down on the use

• To be a bridge between prevention and actually receiving treatment

• Could be informal counselling and help with decision making

So we have to ask, could we reduce the numbers of drug and alcohol dependent adults (and by default the presenting mental health issues) if we reduce the use of these substances among teenagers?

Whose responsibility is this? Parents? Schools? Government? NHS?

In our line of work we always come back to the premise that ‘knowledge and awareness is key’. The more information you have about behaviours, choices, cognitive development and life - the better equipped you’ll be to cope with situations and challenges. This is what we work through in our workshops and deliveries to organisations, employees and parents.

For those who argue that Cannabis has value - are you referring to medicinal cannabis use or recreational use? I expect it’s a continuing debate!

Summer and depression

The summer is upon us and it can be lovely, but not for everyone.
Summer is a time where depression and other mental health problems are common. Despite the weather being nicer and seeing people outdoors, this time of the year is tough for many. Being on your own and feeling lonely is even more obvious when seeing all the 'happy' people out and about. Posts on social media from 'amazing' holidays and times with friends and family are on show more than ever. Body image can also be a big issue. The thought of showing your body in summer clothes might be horrifying. The ‘what if someone comments and doesn’t like me’ feelings set in.

Feeling low affects everything around us. Something we normally cope with becomes a huge issue. So what can we do to help ourselves?

• We are all entitled to wear what we like and do what we are comfortable with. Say no and stand tall. It’s OK.

• We have choices about how to structure our days so make sure it is what suits you, not everyone else. If we know our triggers, try to avoid them.

• If summer holidays aren’t your thing, don’t go. Choose another time of the year. Some work mates will appreciate it!

• Most people are too busy thinking about themselves and their lives to notice someone elses' discomfort or how they look. It is more probable that we are caught in a negative thinking pattern which seems real but might not be reality.

• If these feelings have a big impact on life and are regular, ask for help. Therapy is there to assist and improve our lives. Don’t hesitate, it does work for a lot of people.

Be aware of others and their feelings and above all, be inclusive! Loneliness is a tough situation. If we can make a difference to someone, whether at work for lunch or after work drinks, inviting a neighbour, make that call you meant to do or send a text shows that you are thinking of them. The simplest things can make someone feel like they too are important. Kindness is one of them.

And, remember the sunscreen!!