Monday thoughts: Embracing mental health awareness, confronting fears and being vulnerable

Mondays often symbolise new beginnings and fresh starts, making it an opportunity to reflect on important aspects of our lives. Today, I want to look into the realm of mental health awareness, fears and vulnerability.

In a world that frequently encourages us to wear masks of strength and invincibility, it is crucial to acknowledge and prioritise our mental well-being. Mental health awareness demands compassion, understanding and open dialogue. By normalising conversations surrounding mental health, we can break the stigma associated with it, creating a supportive environment for those who are struggling.

Addressing fears is an integral part of our personal growth. We all have fears that can sometimes paralyse us, preventing us from reaching our full potential. The ‘what’ if someone sees the real me and doesn’t want to know me anymore?

By acknowledging and facing our fears head-on, we can transform them into catalysts for positive change. It is important to remember that fear is a natural part of being human and it is through embracing it that we can find courage and strength. Feel the fear and do it anyway!

Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, but in reality, it is a testament to our authenticity and self awareness. It takes immense strength to let down our guard and expose our true selves. By embracing vulnerability, we open ourselves up to closer connections, empathy and growth. Sharing our struggles and triumphs not only nurtures our own mental well-being but also encourages others to do the same.

On this Monday, let's make a commitment to prioritise mental health awareness, confront our fears and embrace vulnerability. Reach out to loved ones, engage in self-reflection and practice self-care.

Let us create a world where mental health is valued and where individuals are empowered to be their authentic selves, free from judgment and shame.

Remember, our collective well-being begins with each one of us. Together, we can build a society that cherishes mental health, compassion and the celebration of vulnerability.

It’s a scary place to go to but with the support of our loved ones, it is possible. It is also vital that our workplaces follow suit.

To enable and create a more inclusive, empathic and supporting workplace, training is needed.

We are here to help.

The photo is from my front garden. Plants make me happy.

Why should companies invest in mental health awareness training?

Mental health awareness training is crucial for companies and their staff for several reasons.

Firstly, promoting mental health awareness creates a supportive and inclusive work environment, fostering employee well-being and productivity. By understanding common mental health challenges such as stress, anxiety and depression, staff members can recognise and empathise with their colleagues' struggles, which in turn reduces stigma and encourages open communication.

Secondly, mental health issues can significantly impact job performance (presentism) and absenteeism. By providing training on recognising the signs of mental health concerns, companies can offer support and resources sooner to prevent these issues from escalating. This proactive approach can minimise the negative effects on productivity and team morale, ultimately benefitting the overall organisational performance.

Mental health awareness training equips employees with coping strategies and self-care techniques. By promoting self-awareness and resilience, companies empower their staff to manage stress and maintain optimal well-being, leading to increased job satisfaction and retention. It’s a win-win situation.

Ultimately, mental health awareness training demonstrates a commitment to the holistic well-being of employees. It sends a powerful message that mental health matters and that the company values its staff's welfare, fostering a culture of compassion and understanding. This according to research, is something many employees value more than ever.

We are here to help. Please contact ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk for a chat.

Blowing your own trumpet

What is it about us that stops us from talking more about what we are good at? What makes it sooo much easier to say that we are bad at something?

I think it is a cultural approach as much as it is about fear of what others might think. The ‘brash’ Americans tend to talk a lot more about their strengths and why they are good at certain things.

The British do this a lot less as it’s not seen as a positive to talk about yourself and your accomplishments. Bragging or boasting is a no-no. Self-deprecation is a national trait that has been with us for generations. It is a funny one though, as it is actually not done because of low self-esteem or self-worth, it is merely used to downplay your achievements. It is seen as a sign of social success and a way to hide superiority and secure status. It takes being a natural, self-confident person to successfully be self-depreciating, not an insecure person to pity.

In Sweden on the other hand, we have an unofficial law called ‘Jantelagen’. The basis of this is ‘You are not better than anyone else’. If you have achieved success, do not talk about it or show off with expensive cars, boats or jewellery. We learn to put society ahead of the individual, not to boast about individual accomplishments and not to be jealous of others. Many Swedes would never discuss finances with strangers and would rather talk about sex. There is another saying ‘Lika barn leka bäst’ which means ‘the same kind of children play the best together’. Jante lagen does not apply here if people are with their equally wealthy friends, it’s ok to talk about money. That’s not showing off, that’s just talking about your latest purchase.

The feelings around this vary. I think it comes down to what your intentions are with sharing your achievements. Is it to boast and show off or is it to prove you are good at what you do? It’s not about money in this context, it is more about being successful at your job or being a contributor to society through volunteering or helping others. When is it OK to share those successes?

Anytime I say. Spread the good news! If I can do it, you can. Be proud of your achievements and get recognition. It is important to be kind to ourselves and others. Let others know that you notice them and what they do. We all need it.

On that note, here are some testimonials from our courses:

‘I found the course incredibly useful and helped me expand my knowledge on how to support those in need and how to manage a situation.The course leaders, Jenni and Åse were fantastic and ensured that we understood the course content and the aim of the training. We were given the opportunity to share our own experiences and to discuss areas that we felt we needed more information on. Personally i think the course is invaluable and should be recommended across all levels of the work place and from a personal space too’

‘Jenni and Asa were fabulous I loved the interactive parts of the course and would be interested in training to become a trainer myself! The knowledge and tools were excellent and Jenni made things really easy to understand and was practical.’

Join our mental health awareness Champion MHFA training.

Next dates:

Wednesday 22nd Feb at Hartsfield Manor in Betchworth. 9.30am - 4.30pm

Online:

Wednesday 1st & Friday 2nd March 9.30am - 12.30pm both days.

Please go to: https://mrtconsultants.co.uk/mental-health-awareness

for more information or email ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk

All welcome!!

Workplace Wellbeing in 2022?

It’s that time of the year where the days get dark (far too) early, the temperature drops and for some, it’s a tough time of year. The weather plays its part as do the additional costs of Christmas and festive celebrations. What about your mental health and wellbeing over these long winter months?

There are many who are alone - or who feel intense loneliness at this time of the year. You may be fortunate enough to have employment but organisations are not exempt from the ‘winter worries’. For many, they are still recovering from the impact of Covid and many employees are still facing job insecurities or financial worries.

Mental Health First Aid England’s 2021 workplace interviews revealed that ‘47% of respondents said they were having more wellbeing check-ins from their workplace since before the pandemic’ - great news! But we can do more than just check-in!

Here are some tips from MHFA England that your organisation can implement:

Prioritise Wellbeing

Can your firm offer a ‘wellbeing day’ as well as annual leave to support employees? MHFA England lead by example, ‘Our wellbeing strategy includes two total office close down periods – a Wellbeing Week in the summer and one in the winter. The emphasis on ‘total’ is important as it means all employees really do engage in ‘proper downtime’.

Find out what your employees really think

Take stock of how your business has done for the past year with staff morale and wellbeing. Let your staff have a say in their workplace experience. Draw up an anonymous survey to really gauge how everyone is feeling and use the feedback to help you set your goals for the new year with your people, culture, and wellbeing projects.

Check-in regularly with your team members

Encourage everyone to check in with themselves on a regular basis by asking, ‘how do I feel today mentally and physically?’ and ‘am I using helpful coping strategies?’. MHFA England’s My Whole Self MOT is a great tool to use. This will help highlight loneliness, anxiety and stress and give the opportunity to catch this before it develops into more worrying issues.

Be emotionally aware of others

As the world opens up, some will rush back in - but others will feel apprehension and even anxiety with returning to social situations. Everyone is different, so find what works for you and be respectful of the choices that others’ make. ‘Forced fun’ is no fun for anyone!

New year, new you.

Put mental health and wellbeing at the heart of your strategy for 2022. No matter what else, it’s more important than ever that we look after ourselves and our teams.

It may mean changing priorities or simply listening to your employees more - but do something different in 2022!

We have lots to offer your organisation, from bespoke webinars or IRL sessions to accredited Mental Health First Aid training. Ask us for more information: ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk

We’d love to support you and your staff in 2022

Daring to talk about mental health

How do we dare to be open and accepting of others and our own mental health issues? What does it take to feel comfortable with someone at work?

The fear of being judged is very real. The ‘what if’ can often show itself. Am I being looked at differently or treated differently? Do they trust me to do my job properly? Do they think I will be signed off work often?

This is all part of the change with work and company culture within an organisation. When acceptance starts at the top, the likelihood of acceptance further down is more likely.

So, how can this be done? What does your workplace do at the moment?

According to Mind, if you do decide to tell your employer about your mental health situation, think about:

• How and when to do it. It can be helpful to have a note from your doctor to help explain your situation.

• How much information you want to give. You don’t have to go into personal details, just focus on how your mental health problem impacts on your job.

• Whom to share it with. For example, the human resources (HR) department may know your diagnosis, but they don't have to tell your supervisor or colleagues.

There are many people working towards enabling disclosure and openness with mental health in the same way we talk about other illnesses or disabilities.

How good it would be to have an open discussion about all disabilities or setbacks and have understanding and empathy as the norm.

Particularly now as we are about to go back into the workplaces after our Covid year, it is even more relevant and important to enable people to talk. Empower people to open up without shame and vulnerability. Research has shown that more people than ever are suffering with anxiety and depression so it is up to the employers to create a welcoming and empathic workplace to return to.

This is what MRT Consultants strives towards. We help companies support their staff to enable an open work culture for acceptance of differences and disabilities.

Get in touch to find out more about how we can support your workplace and employees.

Does honesty in the workplace pay off??

Jeff (not his real name) has a high profile job. He is a senior leader in the organisation with a lot of direct reports. 

For the past year, Jeff has had a physiotherapy appointment every Monday morning and has gone away on two long-distance cycling trips, each lasting three weeks. 

For the rest of the time, he has been present at the office with almost no time off. 

He’s worked long hours choosing to arrive at the office early and leave late. 

But at the start of this year, Jeff has decided to change one thing. His silence.

Don't suffer in silence

He’s decided to speak up about his life – what’s really going on - and make a change.

You see, Jeff was never at the physio on a Monday. 

He was seeing a counsellor about his mental health concerns and in particular his feelings of depression. 

His long cycling trips were made-up stories. 

These were times when he was so low that he couldn’t face being in the office. 

On one of the ‘trips’, he had instead booked himself into a retreat to access support and care.

Why was Jeff not able to speak about this honestly? What barriers and stigma were in his workplace that kept him silent? 

Interestingly, with hindsight, Jeff became aware that he was contributing to the culture of silence in his workplace and realised that he needed to speak up.

So he did.

Jeff brought all of his staff, 190 people, into his circle and made a full disclosure on what he’s been dealing with. 

He held his hand up and said: “I’m battling to cope – all the secrecy and lies are adding too much anxiety and stress to my life.”

He was expecting resistance, rebuttal and recrimination. Instead, he received gratitude, support and a workplace that embraced his transparency and disclosure.

Where he had feared lack of respect, lack of support and a decline in productivity – he actually experienced the opposite. 

His honesty and ‘leading from the top’ allowed others in the organisation to come on board with their own issues and concerns and work together as a team to be the best they can be.

Mental health is something we all have. It is a dynamic, constantly changing state of mind and emotion and affects us all.

How can you help yourself and others to understand and cope with your mental health and wellbeing? What can you do in your workplace to promote positive mental health and reduce the stigma associated with depression, anxiety and other mental health issues?

You can start with knowledge and awareness. 

Learn as much as you can about these issues so that you feel better able to support yourself and others in need. 

Learn what you can do to make your workplace more inclusive and open to conversations around mental health. 

Equip yourself with skills and tools on how to cope and be mindful in this increasingly stressful world.

Family Focus UK's Ase Greenacre and Jenni Cole

Family Focus UK promotes and encourages wellbeing and mental health awareness in the workplace and privately.

It trains Mental Health First Aiders on a two-day fully accredited course with MHFA England. 

It also offers a ‘Champion’ for mental health (one-day training) or workshops on mental health awareness and self and team care in your workplace.

Your trainers will be Ase Greenacre and Jenni Cole, two highly motivated and knowledgeable facilitators with a wealth of experience in coaching, counselling and mental health. 

They are also parenting experts, mothers and wives and female business owners. 

Your session will be packed with activities, tips and tools, laughter and lots of learning.

There are so many things you can do. The trick is to do something. A good start is by signing up to one of Family Focus UK’s courses in Reigate, Surrey.

• Mental Health First Aider (two days): Monday-Tuesday, February 17-18

• Mental Health First Aid Champion (one day): Wednesday, February 26

I'm tired of New Year's Resolutions! You?

It’s 2020 everyone. Not only a new year but a new decade and the comments on social media are waxing lyrical about New Year’s Resolutions. I’m not sure how you feel about them, but in our household we’ve stopped using this terminology. It feels too cliched for the way we live today - the constant change and rapid development that is taking place around us - and our need to be actively present in our lives.

Åse and I are planning for our year ahead and one of the things we’re talking about is the ‘tick box’ exercise that a lot of Companies do with wellbeing in the workplace. For example, they go all out to provide input for their employees for ‘mental health awareness week’ (this year on 18 - 24 May) but then provide limited resources or continuing education for the remainder of the year.

Focusing on these types of awareness days/weeks is fantastic - and the more companies that get on board and support their employees the better - but we’d like to challenge you that ‘like’ New Year’s Resolutions, this is not a ‘one day, or one-week’ event but something that is revisited time and again and rolled out, changed and adapted throughout the year. Make your resolution to be continually present and responsive this year.

A great starting place is to train Mental Health First Aiders (fully qualified) or Mental Health First Aid Champions who work alongside employees every day and are essential as a listening ear and to signpost where needed.

Maybe you’ve training your staff already, but are in need of a refresher for them? Or have you considered continuing supervision or updates to support them in their MHFAider roles?

If this is on your radar or if you’re making plans for your L & D for 2020, give us a call. We have some very topical workshops/webinars that would be a great value-add for your organisation for this year.

Our next Mental Health First Aid Training Course is running locally in Reigate in February - why not come along and start your new year with a host of new learning and information?

jenni@familyfocusuk.com 07733-434143

Let’s travel the 2020 road together….

Look out!

I have just been watching the news and a report about the decline in young peoples mental health. It is getting worse by the day. What can be done? How can we help?

One thing is to be aware and understand the signs of mental health issues and know how to approach someone.

Even better is preventative action. The earlier we start talking and creating a trusting relationship, the more we will be in a place to support and help. This involves being present and spending time with the people that matter.

Part of the problem in todays society is the lack of connection as more and more people spend too much time on line rather than talking and be together as families. This is one of the things that keeps on popping up when talking to youngsters, ‘My parents are always busy with other things like being on the their phones or laptops’ ‘They’d rather be online than with me’.

What this really says is that these children or people over all don’t feel significant and important enough to be seen and heard. This has a great impact on their self-esteem which get lower and lower unless dealt with.

Low self-esteem will lead to a person doubting themselves, not being good enough, not being worthy of love and attention. It can also lead to a person making decisions based on the need to be seen and loved rather than what is actually the best decision for them.

So, be aware, pay attention, put away those devices and be PRESENT!!

We are currently delivering MHFA training as well as other relevant topics within Mental health and emotional wellbeing.

For further information please go to:

www.familyfocusuk.com

National Suicide Prevention Day...10 September 2019

Today we are focusing on the worrying rates of suicides in the UK - and worldwide. In the UK 75% of suicides are by men with the age group 40 - 49 at the highest risk. Alarmingly the under 25 age group numbers of suicides has increased by 23.7% in the last year and overall suicides are up by 11.8%. Looking at statistics globally, the World Health Organisation figures show one person dies by suicide every 40 seconds.

6507 suicides were recorded in the UK in 2018 - more than road accidents and wars and we fear this number is probably higher due to the subjectivity in the law around the recording of the cause of death.

It’s extremely worrying and becoming far too prevalent.

Last week, during a delivery of a Mental Health First Aid course, I was speaking to a participant who shared that 3 friends had died by suicide in the last year. All under the age of 25.

It’s real and happening and we have to do something about it.

So what can you do? How can you help with ‘prevention of suicide’?

The most important things you can do are:

Notice other people. Don’t let things slide by. If you notice changes in behaviour or mood or appearances - ask that person how they are feeling. And ask with care, interest and purpose.

Connect with others. People who are considering suicide often feel isolated, alone and desperate. They feel overwhelmed with their thoughts, feelings, troubles and feel that they have ‘no way out’. By connecting with them (which simply means being present and focusing on them) they will not be alone and this may make a huge difference.

Listen to them. Don’t try and fix their problems, or tell them about how you’ve had similar worries, Just listen to them. Be there for them and show genuine care and support.

Encourage them to get support and professional help. There are so many organisations that offer fantastic services and support - a few are listed below:

Samaritans: for everyone  Call 116 123  Email jo@samaritans.org www.samaritians.org

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM): for men Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight daily

Papyrus: Prevention of Young Suicide) under 35 Call 0800 068 41 41 – Mon to Fri 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm  Text 07786 209697 Email pat@papyrus-uk.org

Childline:  for children and young people under 19 Call 0800 1111  www.childline.org.uk

The Silver Line:  for older people Call 0800 4 70 80 90

CALM: (Campaign Against Living Miserably)  0800 58 58 58 www.thecalmzone.net 

The Mix:  Under 25’s  freephone 0808 808 4994 (1 – 11pm) www.themix.org.uk

YoungMinds: Crisis Messenger free, 24/7 mental health crisis support text YM to 85258

And take care of yourself too!

Mental ill health in the workplace. How is it handled at your place of work?

It is great to read about the steps a lot of companies are taking towards supporting their staff with mental ill health. Any step is better than nothing, however, one week a year doesn’t do it. So many companies have their wellbeing week and that is it. What about the support the rest of the year?

The stigma surrounding mental ill health is still prevalent in the majority of companies. According to the research, employees struggling with mental health or other wellbeing issues are unable to concentrate on their job, a symptom known as “presenteeism,” for more than a third of the total scheduled work time (54.95 hours). This adds up to about eight total days per month, and more than twice as much as the typical “healthy” employee. These employees are also absent from work for an average of 7.36 hours per month – almost one full working day and about 5% of all work time.

An employee would rather talk about their stomach bug and their effects than mental health issues!!

To enable communication between managers and staff is vital, in many cases, a matter of life or death.

Thriving at work – a major report on mental health and employers, commissioned by Prime Minister Theresa May – quantifies the impact of mental ill health in the workplace. Poor mental health costs employers between £33bn and £42bn a year. This is in addition to an estimated £37bn to £52bn cost to the economy in lost output and £25bn cost to the government due to reduced tax intake, NHS treatment costs and poor health-related welfare payments.

Placing wellbeing at the core of your HR strategy is the first step to building a mentally healthy workplace. The following checklist can help you and your business to achieve this.

Workplace culture – Build an environment that is open, transparent and empathetic by allowing for flexible working, social outings and more. Openly acknowledge key resources out there such as those from charities including Mind, Rethink and Anxiety UK.

Role modelling – Normalise mental health issues by sharing personal stories, preferably from the top.

Work/life balance – Establish and enforce boundaries at work so your employees know that after work hours are theirs to unwind and disconnect from the daily grind.

Physical wellbeing – Whether by setting up cycle to work schemes in place or something as simple as a running club or meditation hour, try to introduce physical activities as part of your company’s work life. This will give your team the option to incorporate physical well-being into their lives as well.

Peer support and mentoring – It can be hard to open up to colleagues (or worse—your boss!), so by introducing peer counselling you could set the scene for your employees to connect with colleagues in a way that gives them permission to open up and connect over shared experiences. Mentoring programmes where senior members of staff take juniors under their wing could also help create rapport and start a dialogue where they can be their authentic selves at work.

Build strong communications platforms – Internal communication isn’t just a large company’s game. Even when running a startup you can keep the lines of communication open and transparent. Whether it’s through messaging channels like Slack or a weekly meeting, keep everyone on your team in the loop about major work changes to ease their transition. It’s also a great opportunity to praise employees and give kudos when deserved.

Monitor absences – Absences can be a dead giveaway that things may not be smooth sailing for your employees. If an employee is absent or late frequently, it should raise questions about their wellbeing. This could present the opportunity to start an open dialogue about what’s not working for them at work.

Seek employee feedback – Adopt frequent wellbeing checks through formal surveys or informal one-to-one meetings to keep the channel of communication open both ways. Using the data you gather can help you understand where your wellbeing strategy may have gaps from the perspective of your employees.

Review all of your policies at least once a year – Using feedback and monitoring progress of particularly vulnerable employees can help you stay accountable and reinforce your company’

Family Focus UK provide Mental Health awareness workshops and Mental Health First Aid courses amongst other topics. To find out more please go to:

www.familyfocusuk.com

For the full article which was published in Business Advice, please click here:

https://businessadvice.co.uk/hr/employment-law/sme-employers-mental-health/?utm_source=ba_newsletter&utm_medium=main&utm_campaign=ba_newsletter_28668&utm_content=ba_story_standard&utm_source=ActiveCampaign&utm_medium=email&utm_content=A+bad+hire+could+cost+your+business+£132%2C000%21&utm_campaign=BA+Newsletter+Daily+15%2F07%2F2019

Do you spy on your child (ren)?

Huawei has been in the news lately and seems to have got into trouble because some people think they are using their technology to ‘spy’ on people.  Even though the Company totally denies this claim, it has certainly generated a lot of interesting conversations about if it’s true, or even possible!

So, thinking about the concept of  ‘spying’ - who has the right to do this?  As the boss of a Company or a team leader, do you have the right to access any information your employee has created or their correspondence?  What impact would this have on you or the employee? 

As a parent, do you have the right to read your child’s diary or their text messages?  What are the boundaries?  What are the norms and rules?  What impact would this have on your relationship with your child? Can you resist the urge to do this?

In our work with parents,  Åse and I always language this question around the ages of the children and the risks involved.  It can be very controversial but we believe mutual trust is key, so you don’t invade personal space without prior communication and consent (i.e. you don’t ‘spy’).  Rather work with your child to gain access to this communication if you feel it’s important. 

The only time this would change is if you feel there is a significant risk to your child (if they are very depressed or suicidal) and breaking this trust to gain information may in fact be a life-saving action.  There’s also the very real worry about grooming and how this develops.  Breck Bednar  is a real example of this devastating situation.  https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-47473932 Would this concern justify you spying on your child?

It would be great to hear what you think?  What experiences you’ve had with this and what you can share?  Please comment below if you’d like to join this conversation.

Why is listening and sharing so important?

This week is Mental Health week and I thought I’d write about the secret battles a lot of people are facing.

The stigma around mental health problems is still big even though it is getting better. A lot of people are working hard to get the message through to companies that they are part of the problem and need to become part of the solution. The more we talk, the more people dare to open up. There are some brilliant movements going on like Minds @ work and the Leaderboard, created by Rob Stephenson at Inside-out.org, which publishes names of leaders who are open about their Mental Health issues. It shows great leadership to share difficulties and real life issues as it enable others to speak up. This is what is needed; real people, real problems and no fear in sharing.

As a counsellor, I worked with many people who did not talk to anyone around them. The fear of being judged and seen as weak was too great. The relief of being able to open up was evident as was the progress of a lot of clients that finally had someone that listened. Listening is a great skill and we just don’t teach this enough.

When a person is heard, they feel understood, acknowledged, validated, significant and seen. How can we ensure that our nearest and dearest and ourselves understand this and are able to share?

How can we create trust with our children to enable talking? The emphasis on communication can’t be talked about enough. It’s the basis of every relationship we have whether at home or at work. Misunderstandings happen too easily and are not clarified often enough.

If in doubt or not clear about what someone is actually saying; ASK!!

Stop making assumptions that people ought to know and how can they not?!

Start talking and actually listen. The effort can make a huge difference!

Women and our hormones

I’ve been thinking lately about the impact of hormones in our lives. Girls and women have to deal with this from an early age and it impacts very differently from person to person. It’s amazing to think 50% of the population will suffer at some stage to something out of their control.

I do know that men also have hormonal changes but I am pretty sure, us women have the tougher deal…

One thing is for certain though, all women experience something in our lifetime, whether it’s puberty, childbearing years or menopause. Things like period pain, masses of bleeding, PMS, exhaustion, headaches, memory blips, mood swings, acne, weight gain, weight loss (yes, that happens too…), low libido, high libido, skin changes, hair thinning, depression etc. The list is very long!!

These issues can have a massive impact on a woman’s life and everyone around her, yet it’s not something we talk about often enough. A lot of men, in particular those inexperienced with women, have no idea of the battles that go on. Even some men who have female partners are in the dark why their women turn into ‘moody cows’ at times.

I think it’s up to us women to educate the men around us and explain what to expect at times and why it happens. Sometimes we have choices and can control what happens but a lot of the time, we can’t.

The more we talk about it from an early age, to both our sons and daughters, the easier it will be for everyone. Our kids also get to see sides of us we wish they didn’t have to but yet again, talk and explain.

As always, understanding and knowledge is power and we have to help ourselves and our loved ones by taking charge of this. We can’t wait or expect others, like the school or friends, to explain to our men and children.

Also, in a work environment, this is very common. We have to talk to our co workers when needed. They can’t read our minds and understand what is going on. Having said that, please be supportive of the female staff during certain times in their lives. It’s hard enough having to cope with yourself, let alone everyone else around you.

I used to get dreadful hot flushes at any time of the day. In my work, I do 1-2-1 sessions and sometimes a flush would hit me. I’d go red and start to perspire. Not a nice look or feeling. When that happened, I had to explain that it was not about them and their story, but me and my menopause… At least they knew and I felt better for explaining.

Awareness is key. Educate, train and encourage communication. It is needed all around us so get talking!

Perspective - an essential life skill!

My son is studying photography for GCSE and I was watching him work at the weekend and couldn’t quite believe the difference in what ‘I saw’ him photograph and what ‘he saw’ and produced through his camera. This got me thinking about perspective and how important it is with everything in life.

What lens do you use? What glasses do you wear when you look at something? Clear, tinted, shrinking, enlarging or do you see things in bi-focal? Do you swap your ‘outlook’ depending on what you’re looking at? If so, why?

When you are enmeshed in something, you cannot see the ‘wide angle’ of the situation and when you are removed it’s very hard to understand all the nuances, intricacies or emotions of the detail.

But how often are we able to digest all these angles, lenses and perspectives when we are faced with a situation or event? Where do we get the tools to navigate perspective successfully?

Perspective comes from having a personal opinion or view on something that has been moulded over time by your life experiences, values, thoughts, assumptions plus a whole lot of other factors like community, finances, environment etc.

In order to successfully develop relationships, communications and experiences for yourself it’s imperative to develop empathy and compassion for others. We often use the word ‘mindful’ of others to emphasise how important it is to both respect and acknowledge everyone’s thoughts and feelings in situations and not just your own.

On a parenting level, children will learn how to develop perspective if they grow up knowing that their thoughts, feelings and experiences are both understood, valued and respected by their parents. Make sure you constantly engage with your children and reflect their feelings back to them to let them know that they are noticed and that you are available to both help and support them.

In the workforce, you should be constantly mindful and aware of the different points of view that exist and to allow, acknowledge and respect those different perspectives. Sometimes this might mean that you need to take a break, take a breath, or take a long hard look at yourself to make sure that whatever glasses you are wearing are not tinting the situation.

Perspective is what brings diversity, inclusion and growth. Perspective allows for creativity and compromise and development. Perspective is a life skill that our children need to develop and we all need to encourage throughout our lives.

As you move through today, be mindful of what is influencing your perspective and how this differs from others.

Envious or pleased?

I’ve been thinking of trolls on the web and bullies everywhere and wondering what causes their horrendous behaviour.

What makes someone behave in such a way towards others? What do they get out of it?

Self-esteem; Self-esteem is the way people think about themselves, and how worthwhile they feel. Psychologists use the word self-esteem to describe whether someone likes them self or not. ... Someone with low self-esteem might think that they are bad at things and worthless.

Now low self-esteem comes out in many different ways and bullying and trolling is one. This temporary ‘I am better than you, see how I was able to make you feel’ gives a lift and sense of achievement in its warped way.

By trolling and bullying a person has a purpose and thinks others might think they are clever. It’s all about how others perceive them, that is what makes them feel that temporary feeling of ‘good’ about themselves. Not for long though but once they started this behaviour, it’s hard to stop even when they know it’s wrong. Then the justifications start, ‘he deserves it’, ‘she asked for it’ , ‘they are scum’ etc. Because if it’s not justified, they are the ones who are wrong…

It’s a sad way of getting acknowledgement but if a person doesn’t get it anywhere else, that will do.

There is always a reason behind a persons behaviour and this is about significance and love; the need to be seen. When someone is a bully, they need help and support, just like the victims. I don’t condone this behaviour at all but I do feel sad for someone who inflicts this on someone else as inherently, we all want to be loved and significant.

The ability to feel genuinely pleased and happy for someone else is not something that always just happens. Most of us can have twinges of envy and ‘why not me’ thoughts. However, how far we allow those thoughts to go is a different matter. This is where we have a choice and can push away the negativity and think; ‘why not them?!’ ‘My turn might just come, good for you!!’.

Gratitude and contribution are two things that will make us feel good about our lot in life. No matter how difficult something might be, there will a silver lining somewhere. We just have to find it.

The Millennials Challenge...

You may have heard these words being bandied about:  Baby boomers (if you were born between 1944 and 1964); Generation X (born between 1965 and 1979); Millennials (born between 1980 and 1994) and our new generation that is coming through, Generation Z (1995+).

The millennial generation is now firmly entrenched in the workforce and it’s predicted that by 2020 they will make up 35% of the global workforce with Gen Z making up 24%.  This means that by next year almost 60% of the workforce will consist of employees under the age of 40. 

Research indicates that millennials both present and face of a lot of challenges to the workforce and society.  They are a unique generation with more than 1/3 living at home with their parents with very few owning their own homes.  They are also much less likely to buy cars.

At work they prioritise work-life balance which some older generations tend to label as showing no work ethic.  Many millennials are self-employed or have additional business interests in addition to their main employment.  They tend to move jobs every 18 – 24 months and they do not have the same needs (long term stability) as their older employer/ees.  This has led to concerns over high employee turnover problems in organisations and the associated costs.

Employers today have the challenge of providing the right type of work environment for millennials as well as being able to take advantage of the strengths that millennials offer.  Statistically, they are usually good team players and good with diversity and inclusivity.  They are technology savvy and almost never ‘unplug’.  One solution that Companies offer millennials is the ability to work flexi-time or work remotely. 

Research shows that millennials prioritise constant feedback and are very goal-oriented with a strong sense of fair play.  They believe pay should be individual and not ‘role’ or ‘experience’ driven which can lead to complications with larger organisations with set tiered or banded employee categories.  Finally, millennials want to work for Companies with a social conscience and that they feel are making a difference.

So, to attract or retain millennials, it appears you need to develop an organisational culture of inclusivity, diversity, social responsibility and tolerance with a strong focus on pay and job culture!

Sounds simple right ???

Let the work and the conversations continue….

Is the world different now?

Sunday was Holocaust Memorial Day, on which we remembered the millions of people murdered by the Nazis, and in the genocides since in Cambodia, Rwanda, Bosnia and Darfur.

Most of us know about this and spare a thought every now and then. What a horrendous thing to happen…

How different is the world today? Could this happen again in Europe??

I do wonder at times and it makes me sad to think how narrow minded and easily persuaded us humans are. Some more than others but generally most of us can get convinced of something that feels wrong to start with.

How can this be avoided? What do we need to stay strong in our beliefs and remain decent, caring human beings?

One thing I know is that parents have a massive influence on their children whether they like it or not. The way we bring our children up, show and teach them our values that influences them immensely.

By being role models, showing rather than saying, we teach our kids right from wrong.

This does not stop just because they become teenagers and don’t want to listen. It’s our job and responsibility to continue to be present and pay attention to what are children are doing, who they hang out with and who they ‘meet’ online.

• Be a parent, not a friend.

• Set boundaries and enforce them.

• Be empathic to their problems.

• Support the kids and listen without judging.

• Again, be a ROLE MODEL.

We can if we try, and they are worth it!

The invisible people

There are invisible people all around us. We might see them as we pass but we don’t SEE them.

At school, in the workplace, at the cafe, in a family… They are everywhere!

What makes someone invisible? Is it just in their own heads or is it as real for them as it was for Harry Potter whilst wearing the invisibility cloak?

I think the latter. In my work as a counsellor and coach, I come across people who feel on the outside of society and not seen. They are not noticed, not paid attention to and just ignored. What a horrible feeling that must be!

There is one client in particular that I have never forgotten. He was a man in his mid-20s and living in a bedsit. He said he had never been seen by his family and would just spend the time at home in his room, gaming and smoking weed. No interaction, no ‘How are you?’ or ‘Would you like dinner?’ Nothing. He said that no one cared and he might as well be invisible.

As a parent, that made me so sad for this lost boy. He needed love and attention in his life. That goes a long way to enable growing up.

There are of course lots of more people who feel like this and never seek help. The elderly in our country is a big group where isolation and loneliness is a big problem.

Why is this? What can we do to help?

This is where being a human and noticing others around us can help. Is there a child that rarely gets to play or get spoken to in your child’s class? Can your child engage with him or her?

Are there people in the office who rarely talk and engage with the rest? Why is that? Have you tried to connect?

In the adult world, we easily and often make assumptions and pass judgement on others without actually knowing them. Can this be the case with some of your work colleagues?

Inclusion is vital in the workplace and all around us.

Become aware of the people around us and be inclusive. Maybe there is a new friend nearby!

What is Wellbeing in the Workplace?

If you work in any organisation, chances are you have come across someone who is battling with mental health or stress.  The latest statistics* show that 3 times more people are susceptible to losing their jobs because of poor mental health than physical health.  It also found that over 300 000 people leave employment each year due to long term mental health conditions.

In addition, the Government’s green paper on mental health (released May 2018) shows that 1 in 4 people in the UK will present with a mental health problem at some point.  Most common will be anxiety and depression, often triggered by a change in circumstances or a life changing event (death or divorce) but often stems from work situations.

So, what does it all mean?

In a nutshell, wellbeing or mental health refers to how we feel, how we behave and our thinking processes.  The most common trigger in a workplace is stress which often presents in physical reactions (higher blood pressure, pain, headaches etc).  Stress is how you react to a stimuli (either real or perceived) as well as the intensity of that experience (once-off or prolonged).  The important factor is what is causing the stress and how the two are related. 

The Stevenson/Farmer report reviewed the role that employers can have in supporting the individuals in their employ around wellbeing and mental health.  They set out a framework of actions known as ‘Core Standards’.  These are a set of recommendations to help employers improve the conditions in their workplaces to enable employees to both communicate about their mental health concerns, cope better and ultimately thrive.

They call on Companies to ‘take action’ and be responsible for helping to manage and prevent stress at work.  This starts with awareness and knowledge.  Not only of yourself and your stress but also of your team and colleagues.  What are the red flags?  What must you be aware of?  If you experience this yourself, or spot something, what do you do?

Family Focus UK was set up in direct response to these questions – focusing on emotional wellbeing and providing knowledge and support to adults and adolescents, working or not.  We believe that information is key and even a small step in an altered direction can have a big impact on how you and others feel.

So, if you are not sure what to do – why not start with giving us a call to do a wellbeing needs analysis of your workplace..   Or read the report below and start a conversation around this topic in your office.

 * 2017 Government commissioned review by Lord Stevenson and Paul Farmer (Chief Executive of Mind) called ‘Thriving at Work’. Read the report at https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/658145/thriving-at-work-stevenson-farmer-review.pdf

Perfectionism and Mental Health

Most of us will relate to the word ‘perfectionist’ and will probably have images of someone who can’t leave things undone; who sets extremely high standards for themselves and others; often appears stressed and under pressure and seems to be intolerant of those who don’t behave or perform to their high standards.

Perfectionism is one of those character traits that can be a real positive (if channeled correctly) but can also be a big contributor to stress and burnout.

So what are the characteristics of perfectionism? 

Fear of failure:  You see failure as a reflection on your abilities or your value.

All or nothing thinking: You are very black or white – right or wrong.  You have a tendency to extremes.

Defensiveness. You hate criticism and often get very defensive if you think someone is pointing out your weaknesses or (perceived) failures.

Finding faults with yourself and other:. You are often on the lookout for imperfections in yourself and others. You tend to be largely overcritical of any mistakes and feel it’s important to correct people when they make a mistake.

Inflexibility:  You have a very high standard for both yourself and other people that is a rigid line that needs to be met.  You often say words like ‘must’ ‘should’ have to’ when you speak.

Excessive need for control. You like to control other’s behaviour and thoughts as you see it as helping them from making mistakes (whether they’ve asked for help or not).

Difficulty delegating:  You will often say to yourself ‘if you want this done right – do it yourself’.  You have a tendency to micromanage others around you.

The biggest concern with perfectionism is the link between these ‘workaholic’ behaviours and the drain on your mental and physical energy.  The relentless drive to work to perfection leads to a very rigid thought process and an increase in your body’s (negative) stress response.  Perfectionists often experience anxiety over their performance as they feel unable to live up to (often) unrealistic standards.

Often, a perfectionist creates a cycle of behaviour where exacting standards (which cannot be met) leads to more effort in a strive to achieve and then perceived failure which starts the cycle again. This will affect your energy, your emotions and ultimately your relationships, home life, relaxation and your ability to work. The result is often burnout, depression or the inability to cope with your levels of stress. 

So, before your perfectionism traits start to manifest in excess stress or failed relationships.  Ask yourself some questions and do some reading about how to combat the negative effects of perfectionism and channel the positive traits.

Some websites that might be of interest:-

 https://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/Perfectionism.pdf

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/depression-management-techniques/201203/handling-perfectionism

https://www.maggiedent.com/blog/perfectionism-children/