Balancing our children's mental and physical health

Mental ill health can show up early in life. There will be reasons that are out of our control, however, there is also a lot we can do to help.

The sooner we understand what kind of support is needed and available, the better chances our children have for a healthy and good life.

In today's fast-paced world, the well-being of our children should be at the forefront of our concerns. As parents, caregivers, and educators, we strive to provide them with the best opportunities for growth and development.

The link between mental and physical health

Mental and physical health are unavoidably linked and together, they form the basis of a child's overall well-being. When we talk about mental health, we're referring to mental ill health as well as emotional resilience, coping skills, and a positive self-image. Likewise, physical health is more than just physical fitness; it includes nutrition, sleep and general wellness.

For children, maintaining a balance between these two parts is crucial. Physical health supports mental well-being, as regular exercise and a balanced diet can improve mood and cognitive functioning. At the same time, mental health supports physical health by developing healthy habits, reducing stress and strengthening the immune system.

Screen time and its impact

The digital era has launched a variety of screens into our children's lives. While screens offer educational and recreational opportunities, excessive screen time can have a detrimental effect. It can contribute to physical health issues such as obesity, neck and back problems as well as disrupted sleep patterns. It can also affect social development and hinder the development of crucial life skills.

Parents must play a central role in managing screen time. There is no easy way around this. Setting boundaries and encouraging children to engage in age-appropriate, educational content can help strike a balance. Additionally, being actively involved in your children's screen time activities creates a sense of connection and provides opportunities for discussion and guidance. Children like it when parents know what they play and watch.

The power of being present

Parental presence is not just about being there physically; it's about emotional availability and engagement. Attachment theory* explains that a secure emotional bond between children and caregivers is fundamental for healthy development throughout life. These bonds ensure that a child feels safe to explore the world, form relationships, and develop a strong sense of self.

When parents are present both physically and emotionally, a child will feel secure in expressing their feelings, thoughts and concerns. This emotional connection is a protective factor and helps children cope with stress and adversity and increases their self-esteem and resilience.

Dealing with rejection and building resilience

Rejection is a part of life that is hard to avoid, even in childhood. It can come in many forms – not being picked for a team, difficulty making friends or facing academic challenges. How children handle rejection profoundly impacts their mental health and social skills.

Parents can help children deal with rejection by validating their feelings, teaching coping strategies and encouraging perseverance. A strong attachment to the parent or caregiver provides a secure foundation for children to draw strength and resilience from when facing difficult situations.

Developing social skills and connection

Social skills are essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships. Children need to learn how to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts and empathise with others. These skills are best developed through real-world interactions and connections.

Parents can teach social skills by ensuring their children engage with friends or family, both in structured and unstructured settings. Encourage playdates, group activities and open-ended conversations about friendships and emotions. Teach the value of kindness, empathy and how to listen.

The importance of real-life meetings

In our digitally connected world, genuine, face-to-face connections are more critical than ever. While online interactions have their place, they cannot fully replace the importance of in-person connections.

Parents should prioritise family time and ensure they have meaningful conversations. Quality over quantity is key. Engage in activities that promote bonding, such as family meals, outings and shared hobbies. These moments not only strengthen the parent-child bond but also healthy interpersonal relationships.

The development of children's mental and physical health depends on a balance of various interconnected factors. Screen time, parental presence, attachment, rejection, social skills and meaningful connections all play integral roles in shaping a child's well-being. As parents, our aim should be to create an environment that nurtures not only their bodies but also their hearts and minds. By doing so, we equip them with the tools they need to navigate life's challenges and create connections that will enhance their lives.

This takes effort and time, however, when our children leave the nest and fly away, confident and able to cope with life’s ups and downs, pat yourself on the back!

We never stop being their parents and for that, I am forever grateful.

*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory

Monday thoughts: Embracing mental health awareness, confronting fears and being vulnerable

Mondays often symbolise new beginnings and fresh starts, making it an opportunity to reflect on important aspects of our lives. Today, I want to look into the realm of mental health awareness, fears and vulnerability.

In a world that frequently encourages us to wear masks of strength and invincibility, it is crucial to acknowledge and prioritise our mental well-being. Mental health awareness demands compassion, understanding and open dialogue. By normalising conversations surrounding mental health, we can break the stigma associated with it, creating a supportive environment for those who are struggling.

Addressing fears is an integral part of our personal growth. We all have fears that can sometimes paralyse us, preventing us from reaching our full potential. The ‘what’ if someone sees the real me and doesn’t want to know me anymore?

By acknowledging and facing our fears head-on, we can transform them into catalysts for positive change. It is important to remember that fear is a natural part of being human and it is through embracing it that we can find courage and strength. Feel the fear and do it anyway!

Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, but in reality, it is a testament to our authenticity and self awareness. It takes immense strength to let down our guard and expose our true selves. By embracing vulnerability, we open ourselves up to closer connections, empathy and growth. Sharing our struggles and triumphs not only nurtures our own mental well-being but also encourages others to do the same.

On this Monday, let's make a commitment to prioritise mental health awareness, confront our fears and embrace vulnerability. Reach out to loved ones, engage in self-reflection and practice self-care.

Let us create a world where mental health is valued and where individuals are empowered to be their authentic selves, free from judgment and shame.

Remember, our collective well-being begins with each one of us. Together, we can build a society that cherishes mental health, compassion and the celebration of vulnerability.

It’s a scary place to go to but with the support of our loved ones, it is possible. It is also vital that our workplaces follow suit.

To enable and create a more inclusive, empathic and supporting workplace, training is needed.

We are here to help.

The photo is from my front garden. Plants make me happy.

Family, connection and food

We talk a lot about connection and the importance of feeling part of a shared space – and today, I wanted to talk about meal times.

We live in a world of instant gratification, of constant distraction and busyness.  So what happens in your home around meal times?  Are there shared spaces and connections made whilst eating a meal – or is meal time seen as a time to be tolerated and endured to simpy get through?

Meal times present and opportunity for you and your family!

Numerous studies have been done that show how sharing meals is integral to how your family functions and that it can aid closer relationships and build social and emotional skills for you and your child (ren).

Some positives that are encouraged when you sit down at eat together as a family include:

·       Promoting a safe, secure space for your children that enourages attachment

·       An opportunity for you to role model good behaviour and eating habits and pass these onto your child (ren)

·       A great space to practice social interaction, chatting and conversation and in particular, that all impoartant skill of how to listen to each other in a supportive way

·       Conflict resolution, patience and tolerance will also be needed at meal times and give your child (ren) a change to learn how to adjust, adapt and compromise

·       A huge positive for everyone is that eating together and bonding over food reduces stress levels and releases the feel good chemicals such as dopamine and endorphins.

If you don’t normally eat together, try to implement times when you do eat together as a family.  Start small with breakfast or lunch and build up to eating together as a family whenever possible.    Remember it takes 21 days to form a new habit and 90 days for it to become a regular part of your lifestyle, so stick with a new ‘regime’ and build it up slowly into a habit and then a lifestyle.  (the 21:90 rule!)

If you have teens (or pre-teens) give them ample warning about when dinner is.  Set a time and stick to it.  Institute a ‘rule’ that anytime after (say 5pm) if they are going onto an online game or race or activity that they can’t leave, they need to check with you first if they’ll be able to do this before dinner.  Dinner together needs to be seen as a priority for your family and one that you all participate in.

Make it fun – allow kids to have a say in the menu; to cook some of the meal themselves; mix it up a bit at times (have breakfast for dinner one day!) and swap seats.  Use mealtime to talk about your day e.g. ‘what is your highlight of your day’ and then ‘what is one question you didn’t get answered today’ and ‘tell us something new that happened today or tell us a joke’.  If you run out of ideas, learn a new word from the dictionary every day or put ideas into a hat and pull out a series of questions that you’ve gathered from the internet! Teach those social skills!

Installing the habit of eating and forming connections over food is an essential component of wellbeing and you can start this today!

Enjoy!

Written by Jenni Cole

Blowing your own trumpet

What is it about us that stops us from talking more about what we are good at? What makes it sooo much easier to say that we are bad at something?

I think it is a cultural approach as much as it is about fear of what others might think. The ‘brash’ Americans tend to talk a lot more about their strengths and why they are good at certain things.

The British do this a lot less as it’s not seen as a positive to talk about yourself and your accomplishments. Bragging or boasting is a no-no. Self-deprecation is a national trait that has been with us for generations. It is a funny one though, as it is actually not done because of low self-esteem or self-worth, it is merely used to downplay your achievements. It is seen as a sign of social success and a way to hide superiority and secure status. It takes being a natural, self-confident person to successfully be self-depreciating, not an insecure person to pity.

In Sweden on the other hand, we have an unofficial law called ‘Jantelagen’. The basis of this is ‘You are not better than anyone else’. If you have achieved success, do not talk about it or show off with expensive cars, boats or jewellery. We learn to put society ahead of the individual, not to boast about individual accomplishments and not to be jealous of others. Many Swedes would never discuss finances with strangers and would rather talk about sex. There is another saying ‘Lika barn leka bäst’ which means ‘the same kind of children play the best together’. Jante lagen does not apply here if people are with their equally wealthy friends, it’s ok to talk about money. That’s not showing off, that’s just talking about your latest purchase.

The feelings around this vary. I think it comes down to what your intentions are with sharing your achievements. Is it to boast and show off or is it to prove you are good at what you do? It’s not about money in this context, it is more about being successful at your job or being a contributor to society through volunteering or helping others. When is it OK to share those successes?

Anytime I say. Spread the good news! If I can do it, you can. Be proud of your achievements and get recognition. It is important to be kind to ourselves and others. Let others know that you notice them and what they do. We all need it.

On that note, here are some testimonials from our courses:

‘I found the course incredibly useful and helped me expand my knowledge on how to support those in need and how to manage a situation.The course leaders, Jenni and Åse were fantastic and ensured that we understood the course content and the aim of the training. We were given the opportunity to share our own experiences and to discuss areas that we felt we needed more information on. Personally i think the course is invaluable and should be recommended across all levels of the work place and from a personal space too’

‘Jenni and Asa were fabulous I loved the interactive parts of the course and would be interested in training to become a trainer myself! The knowledge and tools were excellent and Jenni made things really easy to understand and was practical.’

Join our mental health awareness Champion MHFA training.

Next dates:

Wednesday 22nd Feb at Hartsfield Manor in Betchworth. 9.30am - 4.30pm

Online:

Wednesday 1st & Friday 2nd March 9.30am - 12.30pm both days.

Please go to: https://mrtconsultants.co.uk/mental-health-awareness

for more information or email ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk

All welcome!!

Climate Change...responsibility of parents or politicians?

My son was doing a lot of research around the effects of climate change and the question of responsibility and it got me thinking about the parent vs politicians question. My interest was also sparked by the local elections recently and the question of, ‘Do I know if the politician I am voting for is active with policy and plans for climate change?’ I’m ashamed to say the answer is ‘I don’t know’.

We’ve often had situations with our parenting work when the parents deem the training and education of their children to be the sole responsibility of the school; and equally plenty of discussions with schools where they lament about the poor parenting responsibility and input with children about matters not typically included in the school curriculum. So when it comes to something like climate change - whose responsibility is it to ensure that our future generations know the extent of this problem and what to do about it?

Our generation Z (those aged 10 - 25) are our most tech savvy, hungry for knowledge segment of the population. They consume copious amounts of social media and online information and are as a collective, a very environmentally conscious group. Yet, in the survey my son took, only 10% of those surveyed in this age group, knew that there was something known as pressure groups that advocate for those who are able to vote, to vote for politicians who are active and engaged with changing legislation around climate change. I found this statistic shocking. It goes to show that the sensationalism and ‘quick flick’ behaviour of apps and online forums, is not getting the message across to this captive audience, that they have power with their votes to make real changes to policies that will actually really effect change.

So, does this then fall to the parents to bridge this gap? Do the parents themselves know? Although many parents do vote, the survey also found that most do not look at the actual policies a politician supports before voting for him/her. They don’t do a ‘deep dive’ to really know who they are voting for and what that politician will actively be promoting. Really interesting to consider. Particularly, when you think about how long it sometimes takes me (and others!) to choose the perfect avocado from the options available. Why have I not spent any time at all really investigating who I vote for?

I will say this, it’s started some very interesting conversations around our dinner table - and my hope is, that this blog today, will start some around yours.

What's going on in Europe?

Spring is here. Lighter days and nature is waking up properly. I love all seasons but spring is extra special in my world. The birds are singing and the various flowers are showing. Such a beautiful time of the year normally.

One thing weighing on my mind is, like for most of us, the war in Ukraine. I am Swedish and my whole family still lives there. It’s close to Russia in many ways and there have been threats made by Putin towards Sweden. I do not trust him at all. He is a loose cannon and unpredictable. It’s a worry for everyone in Europe.

How do we cope with this and the anxiety that comes with it? What do we do and how can we help others?

There are the practical ways of giving money and supplies to charities and organisations that support Ukraine. You can also offer a home to refugees. Here are a few of the charities:

https://www.unicef.org.uk/donate/donate-now-to-protect-children-in-ukraine

https://donate.redcross.org.uk/appeal/ukraine-crisis-appeal

https://www.support-savethechildren.org/

The tricky part is how we manage in our own minds. The 'what is in our control' versus 'what is outside of our control' comes to mind. When we are able to differentiate between those two and compartmentalise the fears, we can also live in a more relaxed way despite what is going on. In many ways it's similar to how we managed to live with Covid and the fears around that. 

So, work out what you need to do to help yourself.
For me it's:
- avoiding the news at night
- exercising regularly, even if it's just a 20 min walk
- sleeping as well as I possibly can
- eating healthily as much as possible, not all the time by any means. I do enjoy good food and drink...
- seeing family and friends and being grateful I have them
- appreciating the small things like flowers and nature in general

It might sound like mumbo jumbo but it definitely helps me.

Take care of yourself and your loved ones. 

What works for you? Do you know?

There is so much information out there about mental ill health and what we should and shouldn’t do.

As with most things, knowledge and understanding is power and to know what works for us individually is the no 1 thing.

To be told by someone else what you need to do might not be the best thing. Trying things out and working out what actually does work is the way forward in my experience.

I have tried many things in the past, some successful, some not. The one thing I do know is that whatever I do, I must make it part of my routine and to become part of my everyday/week thing to do. I have to like it, feel the difference and look forward to doing it. It takes time for something to become a habit and we have to be prepared to continue for at least 21 days in order for change to happen.

When lockdown happened, I, and most other people, had to change what was my normal routine. Things I had tried in the past without success suddenly became lifesavers. As the lockdown and the changes to our lives continued for such a long time, these habits are now very much ingrained in me.

My husband calls me the spaniel as I am always eager to get out for a walk. Power walks and ‘normal’ walks are a big part of my life and I feel jittery and impatient if I don’t get out. The impact these walks, and nature in general, have on my mental health is immense.

I am absolutely certain that without them, I would have struggled throughout lockdown in particular. I have never seen myself as an anxious or nervy person, still don’t really. However, to get out in nature, with a friend or on my own, releases any of those feelings and I feel more capable of dealing with whatever life throws at me.

So, do you know what helps you keep stress under control, how to keep those low feelings at bay and what lifts your spirits?

Of course, we can’t always be upbeat and feel good but we can ensure we have a better balance in life by using coping skills.

Some us are very private and feel vulnerable sharing feelings with others so for those people it’s even more important to find what helps them.

This and so much more are things we work with at MRT Consultants.

We are here for any questions you might have!

Finally waking up?

The last few weeks have been a stark reminder to women’s vulnerability to violence. With Sarah Everards disappearance and murder, a lot of emotions have been voiced and shown all over the media. So many women sharing their stories and fears.

This has affected me too and the more I think about it, the more I remember incidents that have happened to me since my teens. At the time they were upsetting and a couple of times police were involved due to the seriousness of it. However, most have just been just that, incidents, that I accepted as part of life’s experiences.

As a mother of 2, now adult women, I notice a difference in their response to their incidents of which there have been many. They do not accept things in the way that I did. They discuss it with friends and voice their feelings to who ever will listen. The injustice and outrage is loud and clear.

Has it helped and stopped more abuse? Do their voices make a difference?

I hope so. This has to stop and it has to start at home. Parents and schools need to teach both boys and girls about boundaries, respect and consent. What sex is about and what is real, which is not porn. This seems to be the main way a lot of young boys learn about sex and then think it’s OK to treat girls the same way.

I have listened and read what a young woman, Soma Sara, has been voicing on Instagram and a website, https://www.everyonesinvited.uk/

On there, young women have written testimonials of their experiences at various schools and other places. Sexual abuse, shaming, demeaning and belittling behaviour that no girl should ever have to endure.

What will it take for us as a society to wake up and really face this, very real, problem? Because it doesn’t stop after school is done, this continues into the pubs, bars and offices.

Leaders need to call it out whenever micro aggressions like insults, snubs, derogatory comments and other things like interrupting a woman in a meeting happens. Did you know that 80% of interruptions in a meeting are done by a man to a woman? Speak up in her defence and notice what is going on.

Men and boys need to challenge their ‘mates’ behaviour and not join in the silence when they see behaviours from family or friends that is inappropriate or makes women feel uncomfortable. They have to take a stand and speak out and not allow this behaviour to go unnoticed or unchecked. Model the right behaviour dads - to your sons and for your daughters. And mothers - speak out and stand up for your daughters and teach your sons to respect women.

Change is needed and we can all make a difference.

Watch out for our young people!

This pandemic has affected all of us in one way or the other. Some are worse off, some are coping well. There are different reactions and coping behaviours all around.

As an adult, having lived for 50+ years, I feel fairly able to cope and have found what works for me as far as coping strategies go. Thank goodness for exercise! Without my daily walks and cycling, it would have been a very different scenario.

What about the young people? The 16-25 year olds? How are they coping? What are their views throughout this period? There are so many people to be concerned about and this group is one of them.

They need to feel included, understood and seen. The mental health risks to this age group are also great as they are under different kinds of pressure socially and showing vulnerability to others is a big challenge.

According to research done for the Prince’s Trust Tesco Youth Index, this group feels more anxious and unable to cope than ever.

The Prince’s Trust found that among 16- to 25-year-olds ...

68% feel they are 'missing out on being young'

66% say current and upcoming political events have made them feel anxious about their future

62% believe they’ve 'lost a year' of their lives

58% say constant news about the pandemic makes them feel anxious

54% say political and economic events of 2020 have made their mental health worse

46% of Neets* are dreading the year ahead

38% are dreading the year ahead

Guardian graphic. Source: 2021 Prince’s Trust Tesco Youth Index. *not in work, education or training

Half of the young people interviewed by YouGov for the trust’s 2020 Youth Index, carried out in partnership with Tesco, said current political and economic events had affected their mental health. More than half said they always or often felt anxious, rising to 64% among those not in work, education or training (Neet).

So what can be done for this vulnerable group? How can we help the ones we are close to? What can companies do?

“At this critical time we need businesses, government and individuals to work with us to help as many vulnerable young people as possible,” Jonathan Townsend, the trust’s UK chief executive. “It is only by working together that we can stop this generation of young people giving up on their futures – and themselves.”

So over to you lovely people out there, can you reach out and offer help? Is there space for a young person to join your workforce in one way or another? Even something small can really help a young person to feel valued and that they have a contribution to make.

The Pandemic - how has it affected you?

So, here we are, lockdown 3.0. Who would have ever imagined us here a year ago?

This will be a time to talk about in years to come for sure. As with most things, there will be good and bad parts.

For me, it has changed our company and the way we work. After only delivering workshops and seminars in real life, suddenly we are delivering all over the world! This situation forced us to think outside of the box and it has paid off. We miss real life interaction as human connection is what we are about. However, in a funny way, this pandemic has enabled us to reach more people which is a good thing.

On a personal level I am grateful to have my family, friends and home. Living in a small town has also been good as it enables more connections and meeting people out and about. I have upped my exercise in this past year by power walking, cycling and doing pilates at least 5 times a week. I used to go to a club before but felt limited as the classes would get full and I couldn't always do the classes I wanted. Now I go to my computer, log in and do it when it suits me. I also have quality time with various friends where we walk and talk non stop for our 10km walks. My husband always asks what on earth do we talk about…he’s better off not knowing! He has been an incredible person to be locked down with as he loves cooking and I get 2 meals a day served. Now that is a big positive in my world!

I have noticed that we tend to find it easier to talk about the negatives so I would love to hear the positives from people. There will be something that you have discovered along the way.

I have a need to hold on to the positive thoughts as there are just too many negatives around and it makes me feel low. Something that helps me is not watching the news in the evenings, writing in my journal and reading good books.

What has been a positive for you? Work wise or privately? What have you learnt? How do you help yourself to be the best you can be?

It’s ok to feel low at times, to always be positive is not possible. It’s just a matter of bouncing back and not staying down so it becomes detrimental to your mental health. Find what works for you, we are all different.

If nothing else, have flowers in your home! They brighten up any day!

2020 - what a year

Who would have predicted a year ago what was ahead of us? Looking back it has been a year of many events and emotions. We all have different experiences and feelings on what has been happening and a lot to digest.

Some have liked it and found it freeing in a funny way. No musts of going places and meeting people. It has allowed them time to spend with their families and reconnecting in a way they hadn’t been able to normally. So many live in a constant state of stress and not being enough and this unexpected situation suddenly enabled them to just be.

The other side has been quite different, causing havoc, stress and uncertainty both emotionally and financially. Many losing their jobs, not being able to pay rent or mortgages. Relationships suffering because of these situations.

Then there’s the in between, the people holding on to their jobs, adjusting and coping even if it’s been tough. It’s been so unpredictable, who is coping and who isn’t. Some who I assumed would be fine haven’t been and others who I thought would struggle have been fine.

What makes us so different? Why do some people manage better than others?

I am not referring to financial difficulties during Covid but rather the emotional coping skills some people possess and others don’t.

I think a lot comes down to resilience and the ability to control the ‘controlable’. The way we respond to situations and allow them to take over or not. How we bounce back rather than dwelling.

This is something we learn and become used to so if a person has not had to deal with many difficulties in their lives and suddenly face them during a pandemic, the ability to cope might not be there.

We can start to learn by reading, talking and noticing other people around us and what they do. Awareness and knowledge helps greatly. Compassion, empathy and gratitude for what we do have also plays a big part in how we deal with difficult situations.

What have you learnt during this year? What has been, if anything, the silver lining in your life?

For me, it has been having a home to work from, the ability to adjust and change our work to go online, spending more time outdoors with some friends whilst exercising, having my husband to be with and support me who also happens to be a great cook and also generally slowing down in life. Noticing nature and the surroundings in a way I haven’t done before has also been lovely.

Self-soothing - such an important part of self-care...

We ran a workshop last week that focused on coping skills in times of stress and one of the best and easiest ways to ensure you have reserves to cope with times of stress - is self-care. Taking care of yourself and making sure that your feelings, energy and resources are replenished so that you have the resilience to cope with adversity or times of concern.

But there are healthy coping skills - and unhealthy ones! And often the differentiation is not that clear. Learning how to make yourself feel better in a way that actually produces a replenishment of your emotions and resources - takes time and intent!

Take time out to soothe yourself when you’re faced with difficulties:

• When your day is becoming stressful and you’re feeling anxious

• When your emotions feel like they’re taking over and making you on edge

• When you’re exhausted and just feel like you’ve had enough

• When you have bad news or heartache

• When you find yourself thinking about or wanting to act in a self-destructive way

• When you feel hyper-sensitive and defensive

Everyone will find different ways to self-soothe - you need to work out the right way for you. It may be just one thing that is your ‘go-to’ escape - or you may prefer a combination of different options. If you’re not sure, pick a few from the list below and give them a try. Find your favourite and then use it whenever you need to self-soothe or desensitise….

Most importantly - include others in this practice - especially your children!

Connection- more important then ever

I just listened to a lovely speaker who talked about connection and how it affects us a human beings and the impact it has on both our mental and physical health.

Do you know that when we have good, deep connection with friends and family, we improve our chances of longevity and health?

Do you also know that showing vulnerability will pay off in the end? It tends to have a domino effect, when one person dares to bare, more people follow.

How many times do we say ‘I’m fine’ when we aren’t? How many times do we actually say what we need when we feel low?

Not often enough is the answer. What stops us? Why is to so hard to show feelings when we are low? Happy and positive feelings are a lot easier to share, aren’t they?

The fear of being judged and fear of rejection are 2 reasons. To step out of that comfort zone takes courage and time but it’s worth it.

When we open up and are received by someone else who shows they care and listen no matter what, that is the best feeling ever. So, if we show others that being vulnerable is ok, we help others to dare to do the same.

Check out this talk, it’s 10 mins of your time: https://youtu.be/WKUgVpCqvfY

What can you do to improve connection? How can you reach out to people?

We have a few gatherings on our road every year and it is such a lovely way to get to know the neighbours. There is a street party every summer, a children’s play day in the autumn, a ladies night, Safari supper and other things through out the year. A great way to be connected to others nearby.

Obviously during Covid, a lot of this has not been possible but we have found other ways to connect via the WhatsApp group, impromptu get togethers outside and just chatting when we bump into each other. It feels good to be part of a community.

There are many people that are lonely around us. This is a problem in big and small communities and it affects our mental health in a detrimental way. We all need connection and feel a belonging whether it’s with neighbours, friends, work colleagues or clubs.

What can we do to be more present and create connection when and if needed? Are there people around us that are longing to belong?

Have a look around you and see what you can do. It all helps.

Enjoy!

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day...

I wonder what you were doing today and if you knew it was ‘World Suicide Prevention Day’? Did you pause and have a think about it - look at some news or educational articles? Pick up the phone and call someone to check in with them?

It’s an extremely troubling and sad fact that every 40 seconds someone takes their own life worldwide. In that same time frame, another 20 people attempt suicide. And the circles of people affected by these actions is enormous.

I often wonder why in the year 2020, when we can pick up the phone and call anyone at a moment’s notice when the world is seemingly so connected and accessible, there are still people who feel so alone, vulnerable and stranded with their thoughts and emotions. I firmly believe it is each and every one of our responsibility to care for each other and make a difference. To reach out and connect and ‘work together to prevent suicide’.

I joined the ‘Mental Health and Wellbeing Show’ this morning and it was truly humbling listening to testimonials from people who have struggled with suicidal thoughts and attempts. Something one of the speakers said really stayed with me. He said that with all the battles that he faces he lives by a simple mantra: 'I live for what difference I can make today'. It sounds so simple and yet it has the capacity to be life-changing for both yourself and others. Instead of worrying about the next thing, the next day, the things outside of your control, focus on the simplest thing that you can do today to make a difference - to your life or others. One step at a time. One small difference each day.

After listing to this webinar I popped down to a local charity shop to buy my personal ‘wellbeing tool’ - a jigsaw puzzle and as I was leaving I noticed a woman looking upset in the corner. Turns out the card payment machine wasn’t working and she was £2 short to buy her item. I gave her two coins and she was extremely grateful and rushed to pay. I was at my car when she came out and I saw her walk up to a lady with a child in a pram and hand them the item. The mum broke into the biggest smile and I could hear the child’s animated voice and I couldn’t stop smiling too. My small difference (giving £2 to a stranger) seems to have had an effect on several people - and I have a feeling that positive effect will continue.

Make a difference - no matter how small - and make it today.

Emotional intelligence - what is that about?

What makes a person a good co worker to be around? Why do some people get on with ‘everyone’ and some don’t?

Emotional intelligence can be one of the reasons. A person who is emotionally intelligent tends to read people and situations better than others and can therefore also handle them in a different way.

Their ability to handle situations well is now recognised as a top skill by companies.

In a 2011 Career Builder Survey of more than 2,600 hiring managers and human resource professionals, 71% stated they valued emotional intelligence in an employee over IQ; 75% said they were more likely to promote a highly emotionally intelligent worker; and 59% claimed they’d pass up a candidate with a high IQ but low emotional intelligence.

So what is all of this about? What qualities does a person with high emotional intelligence possess? Can they be learnt?

Yes, I do believe we can learn to become emotionally intelligent. Some have it naturally and others have to learn. In order to learn, you have to be motivated and understand why this is important.

Emotional intelligence definition: ’ the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.’

According to Daniel Goleman , an American psychologist who helped to popularise emotional intelligence, there are five key elements to it:

• Self-awareness. - ‘ What am I feeling and what is my part?’

• Self-regulation. - Write a journal and gratitude journal regularly.

• Motivation. - What do I want in my life and why? What difference will it make? Create a mind map that you can see daily.

• Empathy. - Who do you know that is empathic, what do they do and how do they make you feel? Watch and learn and demonstrate.

• Social skills. - How do you reach out to others and how often? How do you interact? Yet again, do you have someone you admire to learn from?

When someone has high emotional intelligence, they can put aside another persons attacks or behaviour as they understand it’s not about them but the person who is doing it. They don’t take it personally and can differentiate between useful and nasty criticism or feedback and learn from it.

As most things we learn, it takes time and practise which means understanding and implementing these skills as often as one can. Eventually they become second nature and part of us.

MRT Consultants offer training to help with these skills.

Please DM or e-mail for further information!

Wish you all a great continuous summer wherever you are!

Back to the office we go?

How are things going for your company? For yourself? Your family? Your friends?

The uncertainty of late is the biggest obstacle for many to be able to move forward. How will my kids be looked after if I have to go to the office? What are the expectations of my employer? Can my partner and I share the time away from home? Do I feel safe going on public transport and exposing myself and my family to the virus? WHEN WILL THIS STOP???

The unknown is still around and how we deal with this varies from person to person. In my group of friends it is very obvious. Some are happy to meet indoors and even hug, others won’t. Some want to continue to work from home but feel forced to go back to the workplace as they don’t have a valid reason to shield. Others can’t wait to get out and see their workmates. Some will stay at home as long as they are allowed and feel happy about it. There is no one solution that fits all.

So what do we do? Who decides what employees should do? A lot of people would say the company has the right to say what they need and have expectations that their staff should adhere to. They pay their salaries after all.

Then again, if staff is forced to go back into the office, what kind of atmosphere and work environment will this create?

There is no straight forward answer to this. Each company will have to work this out together with their staff. Where there are clients involved, they might need a say in it as well.

The overall thing we all agree on is that the economy needs to get back up and the only way this will happen is if we all engage in any way we can.

At MRT Consultants, we help companies and their staff to get through this by encouraging effective communication, understanding individual needs and self-care. This in turn leads to staff feeling seen and heard and leaders enabling change based on needs of staff rather than just walking all over them.

Staying home...'love in action'...

We’ve had a great few weeks of delivering webinars focusing on how to find the positives and opportunities to thrive during these times of social isolation. Throughout all the discussions we’ve had a few positives seem to be recurring themes:

• people are exercising more

• people are sleeping longer

• people are feeling more connected to their immediate neighbours and communities

• people are learning more

• many people are enjoying the time at home without the commute to work

• people are feeling more grounded (probably the result of the baking & gardening taking place)

• people are feeling gratitude

Despite individual situations and concerns, these positives are having a direct impact on people’s physical and mental health. Yes, there are frustrations, fears and anxieties - but the leveling playing field seems to be the knowledge that everyone is in this together and no one has been singled out. The current situation is affecting everyone - globally - and this seems to give it a sense of normalcy that helps to reduce escalating anxiety.

I have been supporting a group over the past 8 weeks that has been focused on addressing anxiety and depression with a toolkit of physical activity, mental health and nutrition advice. It has been remarkable to witness the journey that many of the participants have traveled and seen the power that group support and accountability has. A journey I would highly recommend: Recognise, Reset & Rebuild https://www.facebook.com/groups/rrr2020/

This sentiment of ‘we can do this together’ is so fantastically summed up in this saying posted by the COVID-19 response team in Belfast. This was a campaign launched to get people to see that the stay-at-home decree was not the end of the world - but in fact the ‘greatest act of love’ the world has ever seen.

From our point of view - we all need each other even more than ever. We need the human connection, the feeling of community and the tools to manage our mental health and to support those around us.

We’ve just heard that Mental Health First Aid Courses will now be possible to deliver online - so we’ll be offering training from the end of the month for those who want to continue their areas of growth into accreditation as a Mental Health First Aider.

Keep safe!

How are different personality types coping with social distancing?

We’re getting used to being physically and socially distanced from people.  While we all know and understand the reasoning and value behind it – it doesn’t mean that we are finding it easy.  But there are definitely some personality types that are finding it easier than others!

Some people feel like they are literally in solitary confinement whereas others are actually relishing the time alone.  Is this because some people are naturally introverts who thrive in quieter more 1-1 situations?  Or is it something more?

On the basis of nature and biology, humans are social creatures who are designed to thrive in groups and rely on each other for survival. This is where the phrase ‘strength in numbers’ evolved from as well as the laws of natural selection.  Although the world is vastly different from these primitive survival days, we still have an instinct to remain close to other people.  It is one of our basic human needs for connection.

When we are in a situation where proximity to others is removed, our bodies will naturally respond with a level of stress.  As with all stress, we experience the adrenaline that fuels the flight or fight response. However, being in isolation adds another risk - loneliness. Loneliness is one of the most powerful mental and emotional stressors often manifesting in increased anxiety and depression. With no sign of social distancing ending, this stress is likely to increase, so if you know of someone who is experiencing added loneliness at this time - please be extra mindful and vigilant of their mental health.

But then there are those who seem to be thoroughly happy with the social isolation situation. It’s often found that someone who enjoyed playing alone as a child – will continue to thrive when they are isolated from others as an adult. They often present with better mental health and don’t experience ‘FOMO’ (fear of missing out) as intensely as others do and they may also seem to be more grounded.  The upside of this behaviour is often more focus and creativity and self-discipline.

So, even if you’re a person who just loves being with others, take this time to tap into your other side.  Allow yourself the time to really hone your focus and self-awareness skills.  Use the time for reflection and learning and get in touch with your thoughts, feelings and what really makes you happy.  Do you enjoy time with yourself?  If not – why not?   How is your relationship with yourself?  What is your sense-of-self and are you happy with all aspects of yourself?  Do you value yourself?

Important questions – hope you’ll take time to answer them.

Remember – you are the one person you can be sure you will always have in your life!

Lots of feelings of anxiety and loss…

Anxiety in children is a very real fear for them – and it all centres around emotion.  The younger the child, the less able they are to understand locus of control – in other words what is happening to them outside of their control and what is within their control. 

One of the best ways to help children is to model the behaviour, the thoughts and the coping skills.  Start off by making sure that you are calm yourself.  Voice the concerns by naming the emotion.  Eg ‘It’s really worrying not knowing what is happening out there in the world at the moment’ or ‘It’s scary not being able to see people and do normal things’ or ‘It makes me feel different and frightened…’  Then ask them how they are feeling.  If a child feels that what they are feeling is shared with others, it reduces their anxiety because it normalises their feelings. 

You would then continue the modelling by moving from naming the fears and anxieties to a place where you start to find a ‘new normal’ for now – keeping the language around…’we can’t do this YET, but we can do this’… or ‘the time we can’t do this WILL PASS, so for now we need to change things a bit and do it this way’.

This is closely linked to the feelings of loss.  There are many students who have had to deal with an abrupt and completely altered end to their schooling careers or end of year exams.  Keep a close eye on University students too as they are a high risk group for mental health concerns. All students will be feeling degrees of loss.  For some, they may still be reeling from shock, denial and anger and others could already be feeling down with a very low mood.  There will also be some who have moved into acceptance of the situation. 

Wherever your children are in the cycle, the most important thing as a parent is to validate their feelings and listen to them. Don’t try and fix things or minimise the impact by saying ‘it doesn’t matter’ or ‘don’t worry you can always redo your exams’ or ‘at least you’re not ill’.  This won’t help them.  You need to empathise and acknowledge how they’re feeling but then work with them to move them through the cycle so they don’t get stuck. 

It may be that  you need to get on the phone to other parents and find out how they are coping with their children; it may be you need to give a teenager space and an outlet for their anger (think drums or a boxing bag). You may need to call the school and speak to someone in the pastoral team.   Keep a close eye on their eating, sleep and hygiene.  If you notice changes this could be an indication that they are getting depressed and may need additional help. 

Try to help them find something positive in their day, their week and the current situation.  Keep connecting with them and find value in the close proximity and time you have together – it truly is unique. 

If you’re worried, remember you can always call the Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

Some practical tips for working @ home...

Amidst all the uncertainty and fear that is prevailing in the UK and world at the moment, working from home is causing additional stressors.

Today, Mental Health First Aid England has launched its ‘Your Whole Self’ campaign with the tag line ‘Bring your whole self to work - wherever that may be’.

it’s a great read with a lot of practical ideas for how to cope in these trying times:

Åse and I will be posting tips and ideas on how to get through the days in isolation or working from home and will be offering webinars to keep teams talking and together.

Get in touch to find out more. ase@mrtconsultants.co.uk www.mrtconsultants.co.uk

Stay safe!

https://mhfastorage.blob.core.windows.net/mhfastoragecontainer/ff373e6e6c68ea11a811000d3ab824df/Supporting%20your%20mental%20health%20while%20working%20from%20home.pdf?sv=2015-07-08&sr=b&sig=jSIp1Eg%2BNTno5qSiUJPzaUYTLggjw%2Fueo4HEhwV%2BaqQ%3D&se=2020-03-18T13%3A17%3A51Z&sp=r