Screen or not or what?

Most of us know that kids love looking at screens. What most of might not know is the actual impact it has on them. A study from 2015 said that British children between 5-16 spend an average of 6.5 hours a day looking at screens!! That is up from 3 hours in 1995. Is this too much? Can this be addictive? What makes screens so enticing, not only to kids but us adults too?

With todays technology being so accessible, it is even harder to avoid our children's demands to watch a cartoon or play a game. This lack of natural breaks has led to many children not having what is called 'stopping rules'. They used to exist and we learned to wait and look forward to the next episode of the favourite show or even wait for your turn at a game console. These breaks are now disappearing as everything around us is becoming 24/7 and impatience is growing. When children learn that they can us their devices as soon as they are bored, have spare time or are unsure of what to do next, it can become dangerous. It's all about feedback. Children learn by misbehaving to see what their parents think, push buttons to discover what happens. Their devices however give feedback straight away! No need to wait, instant rewards.

Interaction with other children, reading other children's reactions and body language can not be taught on a device. This requires play and being without devices. Please allow our children to be children in the real world and not the virtual world! Everything as always within reason. Technology is here to stay but how much our children use it is up to us. We are their parents and more importantly their role models!!

How much do I allow my child to do?

One problem I have encountered along the way working with families is the 'helicopter' parenting that seems to be quite common. It seems that a lot of families do most things for their children like: serving and clearing up, carry them or their bags, clean their rooms, make their beds, help them put on their clothes, shower them etc. The list is long.

The question is what are we achieving by doing these things? How do we actually help our kids in a better way? What is the impact on them?

It all comes back to self-esteem and confidence. If we allow or push our kids to help with chores, take responsibility for their school work, learn to make their beds, clean themselves and generally be made to be part of the family team, they will grow. Grow in their ability to take responsibility for their own decisions, feel confident that they are able and if not able, learn that asking for help is also OK. They also learn to stand up for themselves and understand common decency, what is right and wrong. The freedom to go to the newsagent to buy something or walk down the road to a friend on their own is an immense uplifting feeling for our kids. They have to learn to become independent. Small steps at a time!

It's very easy to take over as most times, it's quicker to do it ourselves. However, if we think about it, there are lots of opportunities to allow the kids the chance to 'help' and allow them to do certain things their way. To let it go is a challenge at times but the effect on the kids in long term is worth it. We all want independent, confident and caring children. Self-esteem is something we need to help our children to get and keep. These steps are a few that will help to achieve this.

Why does my child want attention all the time ?

For most parents, 'attention-seeking' is a word they will use with their child (ren) more often than they like.  It's seen as one of the most common types of misbehaviour in children and is often confused with 'bad' behaviour.

 At its core, attention seeking behaviour from a child is a call to keep you close to them / busy with them or simply focused on them.  It's important to understand the 'why' behind this behaviour and then to respond in a way that will reduce the behaviour in the future.

Here are some ideas:-

1.  Don't respond to the attention seeking behaviour but focus on something else entirely

2.  If another child is behaving well, give that child positive attention.

3.  When the attention seeking child changes their behaviour in line with your expectations and needs - provide lots of positive comment and attention to them.

4.  Attention seekers need to feel useful so help them get this 'included feeling' through positive ways and activities by teaching them what you expect from them.  Try baking together !

5.  Make sure you respond positively when they're not asking for your feedback.  Say 'well done' or 'that's such good behaviour' unexpectedly and without being asked by them when you can.

Help them feel like they 'belong' and they will

get your attention without having to ask for it...

Keep Calm - they're only kids !

Do you find yourself getting stressed about all the demands from your kids?  Here are a few tips to get you through the day....

• Remember you are the adult in the family - don't let the kids take over.
• Slow things down - one step at a time.  Don't try and deal with multiple issues or demands at once.  Take them one by one and they'll seem less overwhelming.
• Recognise the patterns of your children's behaviour and try to plan and prepare before the demands mount.
• Stay calm at all times and if you can't - take a few minutes and leave the room to breathe.
• Find something that works for you as a stress relief (cup of tea / hot bath / walk outside etc) and make sure you prioritise some time for yourself.

More tips to follow in our next blog....